Bworl, so well said. Frank, you are going to get through this - you are. It will have an end. I think it will help if you stop trying to figure out why she is doing and saying the things she is and stop being surprised by them. She is lost.
You are in the eye of the tornado. Find shelter, dig in your heels and stand strong.
Do not engage at all, do not go back and forth with texts, live your life, protect your children as best you can, be the FIB we all admire and to hell with her.
Sweetie, I cannot imagine what you are going through. But I do know without a doubt that you are going to be ok. Your children will have suffered, and I know that is what is hardest to take.
But, you are their father. They are so far ahead than a lot of children because of that. I know that you will do what you must to help them heal.
As always, you and your children are in my prayers and so is your wife that she may find her way and become the mother she should be.
Anytime you want to get that cup of coffee, let me know.
