It's automatic when you feel it

[mamanpc]

And cinco, thanks for the link to your thread - i will go have a look at that.
personally i couldn't imagine having sex only 3 times a year! and i have the same discussions with my H about him 'wanting me to want him'... there is a lot of interesting stuff on that in the Passionate Marriage book. I am going to read multiple passages of that book again, because it takes time/thought to digest everything that's in there.
Also re-reading SSM again as there are so many things in there that i need to do...