GETTING UN'STUCK'

[MrBond]

25yearsmlc,

No problem with the 2x4. At least they're not as painful as the ones you've given Kev. : )

Well I do wish that she could be a SAHM, but we can't afford it. We live out here in Hawaii where the average price for a small 2 bedroom home is like $500K.

I asked her before the bomb that if we had the means, would she not work. She told me that she still would because she likes to keep busy.

She does understand the financial logistics of it and I've been trying my best to take on alot of the housework since she gets off later than I do. The kids like to climb all over her though, literally, and she pampers them so much that she hasn't taken any time for herself. Even something as simple as watching tv, she would let them watch the Disney Channel rather than something she'd prefer. When I mention things like that to her, she'll say, "oh I don't mind", then she'll try to sneak away to watch tv in the other room before the kids track her down there.

I've told her time and time again that she needs to have time for herself and relax. I've gotten her spa treatments, but she doesn't like others touching her body. I've told her I'll watch the kids whenever she wants, but she never takes me up on it.

I even tell her that she can go to the gym or shopping but she'd rather stay home with the kids or do something with them.

Her life revolved around the kids so much that I can see how I was seen as an extra burden. But what more could I do? Isn't she the one that would have to change her way of thinking? Or do you have a suggestion on how I can take the burden off her?

I really think that's why the OM was so appealing because he was able to be there without the kids around. I think she enjoyed the fact that he was much older because then she could be the one who was being taken care of.

I also think that because of his "status" she enjoyed being a part of a different life.

I've tried to do that, but right now I feel that she just sees me in that role as dad/friend.

Money also doesn't really matter to her. While we were physically separated, I would still pay the bills and she would just give me her paycheck to help pay for them and I would give her some spending money. She never even asked what our bills' amounts were.

You're right about the mindreading though. I've been so used to doing it that it's become habit. Some say I'm pretty perceptive at picking up on people's problems and I'm always the one that people went to for advice. The only person who never did was my W. I once remarked to her that even total strangers come up and tell me their problems, but not her. This was pre-bomb.