Well, H asked to see what I bought, and I showed him (No I didn't model it, but I did hold up a bra right to me. I even did a little shimmy!) He said he liked it and asked me to wear one thing in particular this weekend. (wooHoo!) He also told me to go do more shopping and find a couple date night outfits that made me feel good.
Then he sat down with me and told me he was so sorry for having his prioroties in the wrong place and not paying attention to me like he should. He pointed out that we have ML 3 times in two weeks and he is trying (See Lucky- you were right!) I said he really is trying and I see that he is making that effort and he is making me very happy. I thanked him for trying. I told him that it was not his FAULT or mine, but that we were just different, and I apologized for being so mad. He said, no, really he had not been doing what he needed to do for our relationship. (He said he realized a few things when he saw the C a couple weeks ago.) We were havin a little smootch or two (nice!)
He said he's not sure we really need to see the therapist, but I said I still want to go. I wasn't sure if this is him trying to back out of the work and possible discomfort of MC, or if in that moment, he really felt that things would be so easily worked out that we would not need help. We were feeling very bonded and close in that moment. He said he thought that we were meant to be together, and I so totally agree with that (and I told him so!) We really are just perfect together with the exception of this one thing (which is why I married him anyway, knowing that this was a problem.)
The one moment I think I may have pushed too far was at that point I said I wanted us to be able to relax and have fun and talk to each other (about our sex life.) That was just too much for him, and he basically said he's not a talker in any situation, much less this one. He said not to expect that to change. I pointed out that I wanted to know what he enjoyed and how he felt, but he was pretty stuck in the idea that this would not ever change. I tried to ease the situation by saying we were on a road making progress and we'll come to that later, but his face kinda fell and he seemed discouraged at that. It's challenging, cause he is trying and I want to give him credit where it's due, but I don't want him to think that increasing the number of times we ML in a month is all there is to it. I kissed him and thanked him again and thought that maybe more words would just make things worse, so I went to finish bathing the kids. When we went to bed, we had a little snuggle and lots of non-sexual talk. Overall, I am feeling good about everything, just a little worried that I pushed a bit too much.
I cannot begin to tell you how grateful I am to all of you, especially you Lucky. You are all so encouraging, and really keeping me in a positive frame of mind. I think that a lot of the happy smiling faces that I am able to show him are there beacuse of your encouragement.
