Okay, now I am really going to sleep now. I had to check on a few people and you know how that goes.....
Me 45, H 46, S 23, M 26, Together 30, Bomb 6-2-08, S 6-19-08; H left 12-29-08. H home 12-09, Still MLC in 2012! Me- I have my big girl panties on. Bring it.
I envy you soooo much the time your H is spending with you!! I offered to help H with work up at the dream house and he said that would make him too "anxious".
I guess I can't blame him, because of the conversation(s) we had around the meeting with the lawyers last week..... Although it seemed to go well in that he listened and didn't cut me off like he used to and even seemed to basically say he would give what I said a lot of thought (which is more than he used to), I still second guess myself.
You even get "ILY's"......I really do envy you that...... but I don't begrudge it!!
Keep it up, sweetie!
((((((hugs))))))
TJ
Me45,H49 D24,S18 M26,T28 Bomb 3/19/08 Sep 6/23/08 EA/PA with Secretary 2007-8 3/2009 H moved in w/OW2 7/2009 Let him go w/Love. 8/2009 Legally Sep'd
ndsmhelp, so sorry for the hit and run. My hunch is that you will not let this latest upset be a deal breaker. Wanted you to have the chance to make that decision before I put it out there. Haven't been back to the BB since the day I posted that. Been busy and GAL, as well as spending some time with H and saving the baby birds.
I won't hijack your thread, but thanks for checking on me. Still unsure where my head is right now in reference to the deal being broken.
All came out on the table last night and I am trying to get up enough ambition to update on my thread. Stop over and say hello.
Will do nds, but I am way behind. I peaked a little bit ago and I was on page 8 and I think you were up to 17 or so.
Mntdreams, the confidence comes and goes even after a full year. I keep the shaky parts under wraps for the most part and journal instead. Later on I go back and read the journal. Even on my worst days I can find things to write about in my gratefulness journal. That and prayer help me weather the worst.
Silent Cheerleader, You can hold your head up high for having offered. But perhaps the anxious might be who you might run into. I read a little bit and I share your hurt at the current sitch. I will keep checking on you.
Me 45, H 46, S 23, M 26, Together 30, Bomb 6-2-08, S 6-19-08; H left 12-29-08. H home 12-09, Still MLC in 2012! Me- I have my big girl panties on. Bring it.
I had a shaky exchange with my H last Friday that actually ended up ok. He'd been somewhat short with me on the phone. He helped me out by getting me a new power supply for my computer (the reason I hadn't been on in a bit - can't post without power) and we were supposed to meet up for me to get it. I asked if he'd like to meet for dinner to make the exchange at a casual place we both like. He insisted that he had to get home to mow and that it was only a meet up and couldn't include going to dinner. I said ok, then asked what the push was for mowing and he basically cut me off. Pretty rudely I might add.
Told me there was no reason for me to freak out and that he didn't need to justify his actions. I replied that I was just trying to understand the pressing need and was far from freaking out.
When we met he had a scowl on his face. I thanked him for the power supply and then said see you later. He must have felt bad because he said what the heck is going on. I went out of my way to do you a favor. Why do you look upset?
I told him that I really appreciated him getting me the power supply, really. But he asked again why I looked upset. I said it was because he was quite short with me on the phone. He didn't agree and said I did you a favor.
I told him again that I appreciated him getting me the power supply, but that he was short with me for no apparent reason. I asked one question about why you needed to mow and you went off on me, then claimed I was the one freaking out. You would have thought I said something really awful.
Then I told him that if you really and truly want to rebuild a relationship that it has to work for both of us. That means you have to realize that I am a person with feelings that can get hurt. And, if you cut me off as if I am a bother, as if I am irritating you by asking a simple question that it lets me know how little my feelings mean.
He got quiet then and said, I'm sorry. I really didn't mean to be impatient. I just wanted to mow tonight so I could ride the motorcycle as early as possible tomorrow instead of having to mow first. I am going to help my friend tomorrow night and so I have to ride early if I want to ride. I guess I thought you were going to give me a hard time about not wanting to do dinner.
I looked at him and said that if he wanted to do dinner that would have been great, but there was no way I would have given him a hard time with an explanation like that. I knew he was helping his friend that next night and that it was going to be a beautiful day tomorrow. I might not even have asked him any other details if he hadn't reacted as if I asked for his right arm. I would have just said ok, no problem, where do you want to meet to make the exchange?
He ended up giving me a hug. I said I better let you get to that mowing. He said, ok, have a good time at your cousin's wedding tomorrow night. Said he would check on the dog on his way to his friends, since I had the civil service exam in the am and then had to go right to the wedding.
I said thank you, I appreciate you doing that. He said I will see you on Sunday. ( We were going to see Walking With the Dinosaurs with his Mom. ) I got another hug and a kiss, and he added "be safe" because I had a distance to drive to the wedding.
Ended up being a good interaction in the end because it was a conflict, but I stayed calm, pointed out his behavior without being angry or sad about it. He explained his feelings and I explained mine. We both understood the others' feelings.
What could have left bad feelings actually resulted in understanding. If nothing else I call that progress.
Me 45, H 46, S 23, M 26, Together 30, Bomb 6-2-08, S 6-19-08; H left 12-29-08. H home 12-09, Still MLC in 2012! Me- I have my big girl panties on. Bring it.
Walking with the Dinosaurs was amazing. Think of life-size animatronic dinosaurs walking around. We went to lunch for BBQ first and had icecream at the show. Great day and lots of fun.
When H dropped me back at my car at the park-n-ride he said he might come over on Tuesday night. I said you could stay over if you want, since you have to work the next day. He said he would let me know.
Just to be on the safe side I picked up sheets for the new queen size bed that I put in the guest bedroom. He came over Tuesday, we went to the casual place I'd suggested the past Friday. Shared a wet burrito (a local delicacy) and then had ice cream. Went to the house after and he'd brought the movie Grand Tourino with Clint Eastwood.
The movie was really good. One of the best works I've ever seen Clint Eastwood in. H was really impressed with it as well.
H ended up staying. Hug and a kiss before bed and he said it was a really nice night tonight. I was glad to know he was in the other room. I kept it low key though. He had no idea how long I stayed up just listening to his breathing in the other room.
In the morning I was up before him. While he was in the shower I made him breakfast. He was surprised to come into the kitchen and find two sunny side up eggs, green tea and toast. Even set out the prunes that we both love.
On his way out the door he gave me another kiss and hug. I said ILY and he said ILY too. I told him to drive safely and he said I will talk to you soon.
One other thing, he took two books with him. One, called Why Did I Marry You Anyway, was one he'd bought when we had problems in 2003. He'd written all kinds of notes in the book about things he needed to do more of, things he needed to change, things we both could do better etc. I never even knew the notes were there. The other was Marriage Fitness by Mort Fertel.
He said that he would look over both books. All I said is that I appreciate it. I didn't get overly excited, although my heart was thumping so loud I am surprised he didn't hear it.
Since Wednesday morning there have only been text communication, but the last one asked me to have breakfast on Saturday morning. Then he said he would follow me to the house so he could move things around. He needs to move the snowblower to the shed and move his truck to the end bay so I can get ready to have a yard sale.
I didn't say I would have breakfast yet. I just said sleep tight.
Me 45, H 46, S 23, M 26, Together 30, Bomb 6-2-08, S 6-19-08; H left 12-29-08. H home 12-09, Still MLC in 2012! Me- I have my big girl panties on. Bring it.
Things sound very promising for you. I had been getting pretty down on this forum overall as it seems like so may weren't making any headway. It is good to read about something positive for a change.
Whatever you are doing, keep it up!
Have fun with breakfast and the chase!
Me 41 WAW 36 S 3&7 M 10 yrs W files D 1/9/09 W moves out 4/18 Lost job 6/15 New job 7/27 Disc PA 8/10 (started Nov 2008!) Confronted 8/11 Admits PA & appologies for hurt 9/11 Lost Job 11/13
Confused, it took a long time to get to this point. It certainly doesn't happen in the time-frame we wished it would. I just posted to you a few minutes ago. I'll check back in tomorrow.
Me 45, H 46, S 23, M 26, Together 30, Bomb 6-2-08, S 6-19-08; H left 12-29-08. H home 12-09, Still MLC in 2012! Me- I have my big girl panties on. Bring it.
What could have left bad feelings actually resulted in understanding. If nothing else I call that progress.
KJo, Way to handle it. You are leading your husband right now. Cheers Coach
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
