New Post for Wifey

[The Wifey]

I had a shaky exchange with my H last Friday that actually ended up ok. He'd been somewhat short with me on the phone. He helped me out by getting me a new power supply for my computer (the reason I hadn't been on in a bit - can't post without power) and we were supposed to meet up for me to get it. I asked if he'd like to meet for dinner to make the exchange at a casual place we both like. He insisted that he had to get home to mow and that it was only a meet up and couldn't include going to dinner. I said ok, then asked what the push was for mowing and he basically cut me off. Pretty rudely I might add.

Told me there was no reason for me to freak out and that he didn't need to justify his actions. I replied that I was just trying to understand the pressing need and was far from freaking out.

When we met he had a scowl on his face. I thanked him for the power supply and then said see you later. He must have felt bad because he said what the heck is going on. I went out of my way to do you a favor. Why do you look upset?

I told him that I really appreciated him getting me the power supply, really. But he asked again why I looked upset. I said it was because he was quite short with me on the phone. He didn't agree and said I did you a favor.

I told him again that I appreciated him getting me the power supply, but that he was short with me for no apparent reason. I asked one question about why you needed to mow and you went off on me, then claimed I was the one freaking out. You would have thought I said something really awful.

Then I told him that if you really and truly want to rebuild a relationship that it has to work for both of us. That means you have to realize that I am a person with feelings that can get hurt. And, if you cut me off as if I am a bother, as if I am irritating you by asking a simple question that it lets me know how little my feelings mean.

He got quiet then and said, I'm sorry. I really didn't mean to be impatient. I just wanted to mow tonight so I could ride the motorcycle as early as possible tomorrow instead of having to mow first. I am going to help my friend tomorrow night and so I have to ride early if I want to ride. I guess I thought you were going to give me a hard time about not wanting to do dinner.

I looked at him and said that if he wanted to do dinner that would have been great, but there was no way I would have given him a hard time with an explanation like that. I knew he was helping his friend that next night and that it was going to be a beautiful day tomorrow. I might not even have asked him any other details if he hadn't reacted as if I asked for his right arm. I would have just said ok, no problem, where do you want to meet to make the exchange?

He ended up giving me a hug. I said I better let you get to that mowing. He said, ok, have a good time at your cousin's wedding tomorrow night. Said he would check on the dog on his way to his friends, since I had the civil service exam in the am and then had to go right to the wedding.

I said thank you, I appreciate you doing that. He said I will see you on Sunday. ( We were going to see Walking With the Dinosaurs with his Mom. ) I got another hug and a kiss, and he added "be safe" because I had a distance to drive to the wedding.

Ended up being a good interaction in the end because it was a conflict, but I stayed calm, pointed out his behavior without being angry or sad about it. He explained his feelings and I explained mine. We both understood the others' feelings.

What could have left bad feelings actually resulted in understanding. If nothing else I call that progress.