WAW - Very confused and devastated - pt 10

[confusedinpa]

Confused, please take a step back. Re-read 23-29 in DR. Do not give in to your despair. Do not just give up because it hurts. Stand strong for your M and for your boys.

Learn to detach because every marriage needs you to stand on your own, even when you are together. We tend to lose ourselves in M and then we can only see the blend. You need to be strong and focused right now.

I haven't been here since way back on page 8 because I had things going on. I will read back.

I highly recommend you get a few fishing poles and take those boys fishing. Go to movies. Finger paint. Bake cookies. Take them to a park. Go swimming. Go to the beach. Go to festivals.

Let your boys tell their mother the details of what you do, not you.

I know you can do this.

The Wifey,

Thanks for your suggestion - I will re-read those sections. I do feel despair right now, but I know I can't give up. I actually contacted someone from my church small group and she suggested I join a men's group that meets on Monday nite as well as offering her prayers. It feels like that's all I got right now, is prayer and faith, but I do believe that is the most powerful thing to have in situations like this.

I do agree 100% with what you said about losing ourselves. A few of my friends post bomb had said that I need to be me, not figure out who my wife wants me to be. If me is not that person, it won't be real and won't work. Problem is that I haven't been me in such a long time, I don't know who me is. That's something that I've been trying to find for the last 4 months. There are times that I feel like I'm getting closer, but then anther bomb hits me (it was just divorce legal crap, but now the job thing). When the bomb hits me, I get lost again and lose grip of the pieces I had found. Although each time, it is quicker to regain the lost ground. So I guess that is something to be grateful for.

It's funny that you mention fishing, my boys had gotten fishing rods as presents 2 years ago, but I had never found time to taking them. I was always to busy with the job or projects around the house or things to the point I neglected the people around me (not just my wife). About 3 weeks ago, I was lamenting to one of my buddies about wanting to take them fishing, but didn't know how to get a fishing license. He said he was going to help me out, so I'm going to call him tomorrow and find out.

The boys and I have been do the other things already, movies, making a cake, park, etc as I've really been more focused on sharing experiences with them vs. just buying them things. I had used to take them to the park or bike riding a lot, but realized over the last year or two (prior to the bomb), most of the "special" time I spent with them involved going to the toy store or book store and letting them pick something out. I did use that time to also teach them about money, but it wasn't the relationship/bonding time we (father and sons) should have.

I appreciate you taking the time to catch up on my situation. This job loss bomb is a major distraction, but I still am trying to save my marriage.

Thanks for all your help