WAW - Very confused and devastated - pt 10

[confusedinpa]

You are about to lose everything you've worked for and your W doesn't care squat about you. Don't argue that "she does care". If she REALLY did, she wouldn't keep rubbing your nose into the D. Stop letting her run your life. Even S you are letting her pull your strings. Cut them off and let it go.

Stuck,

The only thing I would argue would be that I'm about to lose everything that I've worked for. I feel like right now I've already lost that - my wife and family. If this had happened before the bomb, I would have agreed 100% as I was so focused on the things. Now, I see things are things, they can be replaced. People are what's the important part of your life. Someone had posted it a while ago, but it really hit me hard - people on their death's bed typically don't say they wished they had just made another $100K or bought just one more car. Rather they are focused on wishing they had spent more time with this person or said this to that person.

On the flip side, I wouldn't argue that she does care. She has said, when she reminds me of her still wanting the divorce, that she only cares because I am the father of the kids and since I have them 50% of the time, she wanted to make sure that I wouldn't do anything irrational.

We only chatted/text a couple of times today, and that was related to a parent-teacher conference for my 3 year old that we had scheduled today. She said that she didn't think that she would be able to leave work to go. I told her that I would just go.

The conference went well, he was progressing very nicely and was more than ready to start pre-school in the fall. One thing that they mentioned how my 3 year old of late seemed to be a little more on edge emotionally. I told her that my wife left. They said they knew as he had mentioned how he started to go to mommy's apartment for a few days. They said that he would bring it up very casually (i.e. like going to the grocery store) so they didn't press him on it, but they felt it was understandable having such a situation to deal with that he would act out a little more. I had really wished my wife was there to hear that, but I know she sees it when the kids are visiting her place.

I have been following your thread as well. It is remarkable how not only our ages are so similar, but the things that your wife said/done and background (my wife's father left when she was 7 and she has a sister as well and her mom never dated either). Very bizzare.

Hopefully, like in your situation, my wife comes back home after 6 months. I'm not too hopeful though. In hindsight, if I had lost my job before she left, I don't think she would have left. She would have pushed the sell the house (which was what she was doing when I told her that I couldn't keep the house without her financial support). I had thought I could handle it for a couple of years, between my savings and my income, to at least wait out the divorce process while giving my boys some stability.

Not sure if that would have helped/hurt my situation, but as many people here remind me, I can't second guess the past. I can only live in the present and look forward to the future.

So thanks for all your support and insight. Keep your head up, sounds like you are doing the right things and keeping your head in the game. I believe in you and am counting on you to give me and others hope that a divorce can be busted!

Take care Stuck