We were going out for 11 years before we got M. We broke up 4 times during that period with each of us taking turns at being the one to call it off. But we always got back together because indirectly we changed into what the other person wanted while we were apart. The longest break-up was for 2 months and even though she called it and told me we were through, etc. she wanted to get back together again after she found out I had a new GF.
I would say our R was pretty good when we first M up until we had our first child. We did everything together, talked, went out, had a great sex life. Then when our first D was born, my W insisted on her sleeping in our bedroom with us. She started getting into the habit of revolving her life around our D so that she even slept when our D did (around 7:00pm) so we never had time together. We did the date nights here and there, but overall they weren't all that frequent. This cut down our intimacy quite a bit and needless to say I began feeling resentful and sometimes held it against her. I would ask her if she wanted to go out with friends, but she preferred to stay home, so I would go out myself with her blessing. It was during this period when my D was about 1 y.o. that my W told me that she could see herself as a single mom. I was shocked, so I asked her why? She said she didn't know, but could picture it. Then she got quiet after that.
Things got better, then when my D was 2, I left for a 10 day trip to Asia with a few friends that she didn't want to go on. During that time she said she didn't miss me one bit. I think it's because her mom and her sister were with her the whole time and she really missed their company when we got married. She brought up this point that she didn't "miss" me when she dropped the bomb.
Backtracking a bit. Her dad left her mom when she was 6, so the three of them fended for themselves and the mom didn't go out with anyone until my W was in college. So that's why she's so close to them. I think she's modeling herself after her mom even though I never left her.
Anyway, fast forward to about 2 years ago. Things were going well for us and we tried for a few months to get pregnant again and she did with our second D. After our D was born, my W was at risk of losing her job as a nurse. Her boss at the time (OM) would aggressively try to save her position and at this point started buying my W all these gifts. I could tell she loved the attention and would keep talking about him and his accomplishments. I asked her if these gifts were appropriate, and she just said that he's a very generous man.
When our second D turned 1, he was the only person she invited to the birthday as a guest. She told me he would always flirt with the other nurses and he enjoys calling them "sweetheart" or "honey". Kind of a flirtatious old man.
Shortly after that, her grandmother died. She was very close to her.
After our kids were born, I gave up going out quite a bit. Stayed home to help clean, cook, etc. Was successful at my job as a Creative Director and had a thriving side business. After our second daughter was born, our sex life dwindled again which started the resentment all over again. I would get upset and say something nasty and she'd shoot back but we always apologized after.
One thing to note about that was we fell into a pattern of getting angry, then apologizing after and I would start EXPECTING an apology from her. She told me that we kept repeating that pattern and she was sick of it. That part I've changed.
My W did admit to me that she has always had low self-esteem. Although she's never done anything about it. I've been her only BF and the only R that she has experienced. So sometimes I wonder if that's why she does have alot of "I wonder" thoughts about other guys.
I think that about covers it.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
