Dealing With Ambivalence

[Bagheera]

One final thing, on top of the what the ladies have said:

You can't lead what you don't know about.

So take an active interest in ALL aspects of your wife's life and that of your child. Her work, her hobbies, her day to day activities. It doesn't matter if *you* have an interest in it or not -- the importan thing is to show that you care about her...all of her...such that when you try to care FOR her, she will trust you and let you do it. My wife and I touch base verbally with each other at least three times each day: once in the moring before I head out, once during the day itself (lunch time or thereabouts), and then a longer "debriefing" each evening when I come home. I know what she has planned, what she's doing, and where she's going, AND I keep track of what the kids are up to also. I still forget things from time to time, such as the occasional school play ("That's tonight! Alright, I'll catch an earlier bus home."), but I've improved in all of these areas by 150% over the past couple of years, and by touching base multiple times each day, we can keep each other on the same page with reminders when needed.

Another example: my wife does all kinds of crafts, and right now, her latest interest is in card making: *fancy* homemade card making. Personally, my 'crafting' skills ended in elementary school when I no longer had to cut up pieces of colored construction paper with safety-scissors and do things with uncooked macaroni and Elmer's glue. However, I can still appreciate and follow the gorgeous, creative work that my wife does -- and she *really* appreciates having someone to share it with and bounce ideas off of.

When you first start doing this stuff, your wife may act rather annoyed with it. She's used to doing everything on her own without your input, so to her, it's like another cook just walked into her "kitchen." Ramp things up gradually, and be persistent and patient. She may be annoyed at your interference in her solo act at first, BUT she'll really start to appreciate the extra pair of hand "in the kitchen" once she gets used to it, as well as your expressed appreciation of her "cooking."

Good luck,

-- B.