After being only partners/parents for years and then eventually drifting apart and separating and then trying to reconcile, my H sees me as his kid's mom. Period. But I am not only a mom anymore.
It is hard when you go thru a lot to find yourself, reinvent yourself, "start over", get rid off old habits and he, your H, misses the whole picture, dismisses what you painfully regained for yourself and in a way tries to put you back in that little box you were before, the box he originally made you reject because that is why "you lost him", only because he feels comfortable with it, that's what he can handle.
In my case, I want to be a woman, a friend, a partner, with him and I cant. He doesnt "respond". I refuse to go back to where I was and it is difficult to hold my ground especially since if I did (go back where he wants me to go), we would be already living "happily" and I know it.
There are times when I feel he gets to me and I have to reprogram myself not to "lose me" again. We are stuck because he wont "see" me and I dont intent to color myself with his colors so that he can stay in his comfort zone. Power struggle? I think so. It's me or him. He either takes the whole package or he can have nothing. I can only control myself, I cant make him appreciate me for what I am. He would have to grow too and he obviously cant face the hard work involved. The last 2 years seem to have taught him nothing. I was hoping he would be doing his own homework. I feel he is stuck to where "he left me" (ironically not where I left him).I thank him for giving me a chance to live again, test myself, go beyond and above what I thought I was capable of. It was a harsh wake up call. And I didnt go thru this for nothing. I am not throwing away the last 2 years.
And that is why we are stuck. I dont know MB if that sounds any familiar to you. Each story has it's own chracteristics. My story seems to be coming to an end. And I am not happy but I am fine. K
