Mdoodles, I spent almost 10 years financially dependant on my H. So I know exactly what I am say when I say Who cares what he does. You cant count on him, hes proven that. Now you have to figure out what you will do without him.
It is a struggle. But you gotta go what you gotta do. I have been working my butt off for the last year and a half to get to a place where I am financially independant, I went from being a full time student to putting in applications to everyone that would take them. You can get help with daycare, and assistance finding a job from almost every state, Im sure that NY isnt different.
Im not saying that you get ready to be D, I am saying that you need to be prepared for that IF scenario.
I think that now you need to be really gearing yourself up for what your going to do without him, and not waste time and energy with worry about what hes going to do.
I guess I gave the wrong finger to the wrong man...
really, i know i will be ok. financially and emotionally.
im doing my best to realize that he isnt the person that he once was.
im even ok knowing that he is so ambivalent about what he is doing, that truly, this has nothing to do with me.
it just hurts.
but i know i will be ok. him, not so sure about!
me: 31 H:29 Son:5 m:8 years in november t:10 years first bomb: 10/06 moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08 ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06 d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08 moved home:3/09 out again 5/09
Hes not going to be ok. He is going to spend a long long time recovering from what hes done.
You, on the other hand, have worn yourself thin trying to save your marriage. You tried everything you could think of, even some things that seemed counterintuitive. He is the one who is going to have to stutter and search for the right words while he explains to his next partner what happened, while you will be able to sleep in peace knowing that you are truly committed to M. And Im sure that you have learned more than one thing about yourself and M through this.
Keep waiting, dont let him make you sign anything that you dont want to, or arent ready to. Let him see you become a strong independant woman, and when he comes crawling back with his tail between his legs, it will be interesting to see if you even want him anymore.
I guess I gave the wrong finger to the wrong man...
i will not sign or agree to anything so fast! and he knows it.
i may seem easy going, may seem passive, may put up with alot, but signing away my rights as his wife, agreeing to terms of a legal split, is something i just dont do easily.
he tried last year with mediation. i said that was not for me and canceled our appts!
i have no intention of even responding to the letter. its not a legal document. i simply placed it in a drawer.
believe me, he stutters right now, he is still stuck in his lies to the ow. he has based their entire existence on lies.
and yes, i can sleep in peace.
me: 31 H:29 Son:5 m:8 years in november t:10 years first bomb: 10/06 moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08 ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06 d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08 moved home:3/09 out again 5/09
its a decision i think i will never really fully reach. it will have to forced on me and i will learn to live with it and accept it.
the good news is that i spoke to our acct, he has no clue we may be splitting, so he is honest and informative with me about the business and stuff. he went over what he needs from h regarding the business, also told me he will be looking to show a loss for my parents (which is great since they funded the store, he will help them for tax time next year)...im glad to know he is a legit guy and isnt hiding things.
he asked me to tell h to call him since i will see him tonight...lol, he has no clue that he isnt here. i just said, sure.
i have not spoken to him today. if he calls, i do not plan on answering, i will let my son answer today.
me: 31 H:29 Son:5 m:8 years in november t:10 years first bomb: 10/06 moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08 ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06 d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08 moved home:3/09 out again 5/09
thanks...he just called, i clicked the phone on and handed it to my son. not sure why im choosing not to talk today...truth is, it probably doesnt matter either way.
me: 31 H:29 Son:5 m:8 years in november t:10 years first bomb: 10/06 moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08 ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06 d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08 moved home:3/09 out again 5/09
just got a hang up on my cell phone - private caller - and then a minute later a hang up on my home phone - private caller -- gee, i wonder who it is....must be trouble in paradise lol
me: 31 H:29 Son:5 m:8 years in november t:10 years first bomb: 10/06 moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08 ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06 d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08 moved home:3/09 out again 5/09
