I'm not rendering that judgment, because I'm recusing myself from Judgmentaldom. I do understand that they're saying, "You're too good for her."
Welllllll, I don't buy into this "good" for a person thing, but I appreciate their basic point: You're acting more nobly than she is, says they, so why should she reap the benefit?
It's something you're doing for yourself, isn't it? A step by step learning process for you based on what is important.
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"Would you really take her back?" asks he, rather incredulously.
And you know what, Gypsy? Between you and me and the Internet -- I'm not sure the answer is "yes." For the kids' sake? Absolutely. But for mine? I really just don't know anymore.
The marriage you had is dead, gone, kaput. She was in enough pain, felt enough frustration and helplessness in it that she took the action that worked for her. And she has been consistent on leaving. Perhaps hoping for something more once she's out of the house, but only after she's gone.
Having children, like having inside connections when looking for a job, allows the door to be opened. But the rest comes from the individual, two in this case. Only a 'new' relationship would work with a person you've cherished, who you felt betrayed you. And this applies to BOTH parties. So trust is rebuilt one straw at a time if each and God are willing.
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"what's to keep you from doing it again" angle.
Once again, what's to keep one from straying, what's to keep another from withdrawing. It all evolves from a loss, from fear. And it is solved by laughter, by being together, by ripping away the crap of the past and starting anew.
C'mon, how many soldiers survive, or folks move forward if they're always looking backward?
It's dual accountability, a leap of faith forward, being committed to sharing what scares the poopies out of you, to listening.
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What if, in fact, WAW is not (and perhaps never was) "the one"? What if there's a kind of inevitability being played out here?
We all are multifaceted diamonds. Each love is unique. Each love reveals another aspect. True love is not limited to one person and one person alone.
Yet with marriage each focuses on the radiance they bring another and builds on that foundation. The couple weathers the bad, exults the good and grows together. Love evolves to a deep abiding expanse that respects the flaws of another and exponentially grows what is the best. You work together, not separately.
What is lost in divorce is the shared experiences of the children, of coping with life's sorrows along with the family, along with the time it takes to mature a relationship.
Divorce/separation happens when something breaks, has been 'broken' for quite a while. Rarely is it impulsive. It reeks of desperation.
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I'm going to give her props (on returning the ring) on this one. That was, I think, actually just a nice thing to do. I mean, it was my father's fraternity pin (him, like Mistah Kurtz, dead), and is one of the very few artifacts I had / have of him. That act was for me, I suspect, and not for her.
Absolutely a caring gesture but one that speaks of endings.
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Just look at WAW -- I can see on her Totally Not Poker-Face Face just how pained she is.
That ain't nothing, baby. Wait until she's a single parent with her work schedule, 'alone', paying support and legal fees. Let's not forget the rollercoaster of emotions, too.
As terrifying as the proclamation to end the marriage was, you've spent days, weeks, months learning how to cope, improving oh so many skills.
And now, Smiley Friend.. it's time for me to be the momma.
