The decision to move is up to you, but if it were me, I'd do it. Her lease is up and she wasn't forthcoming with her plans...perhaps she's moved in with a boyfriend. Would that help decide it for you? I personally feel that something as little as moving an hour away doesn't destroy your chances, and may make her take notice when you are no longer reachable (not that I'd move just to get her to wake up).
You cannot be lonely if you like the person you're alone with. Dr. Wayne Dyer
It's been 3 1/2 weeks without hearing a peep from W. Nada. Today I'm working from home. So I'm doing some laundry while I'm working. No big deal. Unannounced, W shows up on her bike to drop off a piece of paperwork. I just happened to be walking out the door when I saw her pull up. She apologizes for not calling me in advance. She's "on her way to work" ... which is in the opposite direction. She knows I work from home today and knows I'll be here. Since she's a teacher, she is off for the summer. Apparently she picked up a class in town. So ... fine, whatever, I tell her the paperwork is already taken care of, which looks like stuns her a little. I'm upbeat and have other things to do, and I head back in the house. She's off to teach her class.
I'm not sure why, just yet, but this exchange bugs me.
She's not living with someone else. That much I do know. The other guy I suspect (the old EA/PA) ... is in a different country.
The move is for me. 75 miles away isn't that far, but I'm also at a point where this commute just stinks. I would do it if there were someone back home to come home to, but it doesn't make sense if it is just me. I like my town, but not enough to drive 3 hours a day just to live here. My job isn't the most stable thing right now, so signing a lease makes me nervous. At this point I'm leaning towards moving and looking for places to live. I have until the end of the month to decide.
A little journaling ... I've been working through some of what robx has said regarding attraction. I'm not sure what to do with some of that. Clearly, people have affairs for lots of reasons not just a lack of physical attraction. Since we met, my wife has always said that she's waiting for me to wake up and realize that I can do better than her. I have a good job that pays well, I dress well, smell nice and do lots of fun and interesting things. She knows that if I decide to look around, I won't be alone for long. At the time she left I was depressed about my job search at the time. About three weeks before she walked out, I got a tech job in another city. I know that part of this is being interesting and mysterious to her. Her version of exciting is to live in a grass hut in the Amazon, which is more or less the attraction of this guy, Amazon included. It's partly a mid-life crisis, partly boredom with our life. I can see the boredom part. The funny part, is that for women outside of my W, I DO have a fun and interesting life ... a life that I like. Maybe not adventurous ... perhaps that is a place to start.
A minor, quasi-related update ...
Yesterday my town was having a "Taste of MyTown" outdoor event. So, I decided to head on over to check it out. I figured good food, beer and music couldn't hurt my mood. As I'm walking through town, two women ask if I know where the event is ... which I don't, I just tell them that I'm looking for it too and head on my merry way. About an hour later I'm standing in line for a beer minding my own business when this stunning blonde walks up to me and says "I've seen you walking around. I was going to ask you earlier, but you should come sit with us for the band." It took me a little to remember that it was the same woman who had asked for directions earlier. The afternoon was nothing major ... I did meet up with them , sat with them for the headlining band and was just kinda low key social. Plus, I managed to meet all the women around them. I've got to be doing something right!
I'm attractive to other women, I'm just not interested in them. Yes, they're pretty and all, but they're not what I really want. And ... I'm still married. Separated or not, that fact hasn't changed. Regardless of how she has treated our vows, it still doesn't give me license to date so long as we are married. I just figured I would put that out there. I feel good about my Sunday, but it worries me a little. Being, um ... untouched ... for a year and a half now, it isn't a small temptation.
In a MLC, physical attraction isn't always the biggest issue. I've read in many posts on this board that many times the OP is actually less attractive than the LBS. My friends think she's crazy. She's not going to do better than me, but ... in the MLC world, the fantasy has a life of its own.
Don't go all pseudo-adventurous to try to attract your wife if that isn't you. The ends don't necessarily justify the means. You like your life and feel it works for you. So don't be someone you are not or you'll have to be that same someone you're not to keep her. You have to admit that hanging out with those girls really helped with the detactment, didn't it? If so, remember how it felt and was. Keep in mind that you do have other options (even if she's your first one...which may be a combination of rose-colored glassesitis and wanting-what-you-can't have-itis). It will help with the proper attitude if you do talk.
You cannot be lonely if you like the person you're alone with. Dr. Wayne Dyer
I'm at work, looking through some social networking stuff. I find that my W has a Linked-In acct under her maiden name. So, I'm a bit thrown. I really want to call her. The silence is driving me bonkers. Calling is a bad idea, right?
For those who are reluctant to journal ... this actually helps in an odd way. Saying thing out loud (or writing them down) somehow makes them more concrete and easier to deal with. Your mileage may vary.
I think I've been overdoing it in the GAL department. In my spare time I work as a referee. I do everything from little league to big-time college games on TV. Typically, I work from February through June. When she left last year I didn't feel like doing anything, including reffing. So this was part of my GAL activities for this year. I've been working, pretty much non-stop, since mid-February - usually 3-4 nights a week plus weekends. On the one hand, it's fun and I feel myself doing it. On the other hand, my tolerance for people yelling bad things has gone way up. However, in my zest for activity I think I've overlooked the need for rest and vacation. You can only run that hard for so long without getting all frazzled. Yesterday would have been much much better if I have been taking some time to treat myself ... recharge the batteries ... do something for my emotional state.
In the end I didn't call her. I did text her that I hoped she missed out on the tornado that was in town. But that has bee the only contact I have initiated in 2 months. Still nothing from her. I'm not liking it, but it is her choice.
So ... I'm looking for something to recharge the emotional batteries. Any suggestions?
and have been working pretty much non-stop since February.
It is amazing how much different my outlook is when I actually get sleep and eat. It takes a special kind of stupid to forget to eat. So I'm making taking care of me more of a priority. I'm looking at vacation options; trying not to work myself into the ground.
Ok ... maybe there is no answer to this question, or maybe I should just stop trying to figure it out, but I'm struggling with the silence from the WAS. In general, I just don't get it. She is one of the most compassionate people I've ever met. She has a huge heart. It was one of the things that attracted me to her in the first place. She'll go out of her way to help anyone she comes across. She checks on people she has met for 5 minutes. When it comes to me, however, it is like I have the plague or something. Clearly, I am the source of some internal conflict for her. I would assume that the affair adds to the guilt and weirdness, even though she insists it has nothing to do with me. I'm also guessing that if there is someone else currently involved, any interaction with me is only going to make her feel worse. But seriously, how does somebody just disappear like that? Granted, I don't know what is going on in her head. She may be thinking about me. Maybe not.
Maybe disappearing is easier to deal with than actually filing for D. You don't have to actually DO anything to go silent. I would think that eventually, she's gonna have to deal with this. Or not.
