Oh don`t worry 2il;I`m an expert when it comes to everyone else`s problems!I know that place of fear anger and disbelief all too well!
The key thing for me was discovering through LRT what made my H tick(or thick, as the case may be!) The more I applied the LRT the thicker he got;instead of initiating R as I had hoped, he just got madder with me. Not quite sure what exactly triggered that for him but once I learnt(the hard way!) not to get caught in the crazy fear-anger-fear dance I began to feel more peaceful.
For my H blaming me for everything AND trying to make me angry is what keeps him ticking. So I`m unhooked from that. I`ve also discovered through therapy that I`m very quick to jump into the fear place AND I like to control everything too so I really needed to let go for my sake.
I don`t think your H reacts the same as mine:yes, he seems to need to blame you for his problems but I don`t think he gets a buzz out of making you angry. Maybe he enjoys seeing you pursuing him.
I think being happily detached from him might help you see the unhealthy pattern between you.
Maybe. I`m no expert though!
I do know you MUST mind YOU and your kids.Plan lots of fun without him!
