It's automatic when you feel it

[mamanpc]

i agree with you Charlie - it is indeed a Catch22, but not in all situations... personally i wouldn't at all want that we not ML at all anymore! but i understand that there are other 'LD' people who would in fact be contented with that situation. However, there is the element of 'doing a 180' that could pique your partner's curiosity and, perhaps, after an (inevitable i'm afraid) 'dry spell' regarding ML, then there could be more interest afterwards... i know that it's very hard to know what to do - even more so when i am not in your sitch. Each one is so unique...
I re-read the SSM and the DR books constantly, there is so much in there that almost every word, every sentence is important. I know that i need to work on MYSELF as that's the only thing that i CAN work on, doing 180s, trying to listen more, work on my own level of desire, etc.
Communication for me is key - i am in fact someone who really LIKES sex - but i dont have 'the urge' as often as H, AND my likes/dislikes in that arena are very different from his. Thus the need for me to learn to communicate in a way that he listens and understands (and then maybe accepts!) hwat i would like to do. The problem i have is that i get turned on by things that seem very boring and nonsexual to H: talking/bonding/non-sexual massages...