Newbie (again)

[dday101798]

dday....not sure what to tell you other than a piece of paper that says your D is final is only that.....a piece of paper. They underlying emotion connected to the dissolving of your M is what needs to be dealt with. Until you can no longer look at your xw as "doing this to you and your kids", you will carry the emotion on your sleeve.

RESPECT is earned. She lost your respect when she left for OM. At some point, you lost her respect or she would not have done it in the first place. The point is to now RESPECT your respective roles as parents to your children. Business only. No emotion. The logistics of co-parenting take a LOT of time to organize and become comfortable with. Don't put too much pressure on yourself.

I know you say that you are done with her. That she is done with you. Are you sure about that? If you were, do you think you would still have this much emotion about what she is saying or doing?

Day 9 and what a mess.

Mish, all of your points above couldn't have come at a stranger time. Last night at 5pm as I'm trying to leave work, I get a call from XW's number. I answer and it's s12 wanting to know what I'm up to yadda-yadda, all the while XW is in the background 'coaching' him. Then S11 gets on and much the same, he was excited because he finally made the B honor roll, I'm very proud of him. Then comes the inevitable, XW is on the phone.

First we discuss plans for the weekend for the kids with me, then school, and then, her voice drops and it's into the "state of the union". Without going into detail as I got hit with so much all at once, I just don't know what to think of it all:

A) we're both sorry for being short with each other, myself mainly and the ability to speak civily must be obtained.

B) the war is over, the wrongs on both sides took their tolls on the M and it would be nice if they could be laid to rest once and for all.

C) XW proclaims she did none of this to hurt me. Obviously, this statement is hard to swallow and I voiced that politely, and XW became remorseful to my statement that it is what she wanted. She says it is absolutley not what she wanted and her life is a mess. She even went so far as to belittle OM a couple of occasions, referring to him as her chauffer. Swears she did not set out to destroy me, although the final result says differently.

D) In conjunction with C above, the kicker, XW proclaims she has always loved me, still loves and me and even more so after all this. Huh?

E) and this one is being inducted into the WAS Hall of Fame for ridiculous statements: "OM respects you". (ok, wait a second, you come along, snatch up someone's wife, immediately live with her, go like bunny rabbits in public for the entire town to see, and then take my role as the male figure in my kids life, but you 'respect me'? Did I miss something here?)

F) and more so of all the above, XW bottom line is not 'happy' but there was so much done all around that she didn't know anyway to make it work.

Certainly no closure was reached to any of the underlying issues, just more confusion. I don't understand it at all. But at least a line of communication seemed to be reached. I just really wish that my head just wasn't swimming so hard when all this happened yesterday so that I can remember every word of it and her exact emotion and intent, but it just so difficult. I really dont know what she is trying to say, one moment it's just 'sorry', next it's 'I'm so sorry for doing all this to you, how can I fix it?' and then it ends with, "it is what is" then the whole cycle repeats?

ugh.

to make matters worse, my cousin got her hours cut at work today, so we're probably 45 days from being out on the streets. wonderful.