Divorce looming #14

[K4D]

Ok,

Where do I start. I am in the middle of reading "How to save your marriage alone". I started it last night and should finish it today.

I think yesterday afternoon I was a little frusturated. I clearly had not met my W's needs and she clearly was seeking them else where. When I said desires, I meant physical, not emotional for her. But the 2 can go hand in hand.

So I blew it with that comment. I have had some time to think that one over.

25, I was reading your post this morning to Stuck808. Its interesting what you said about if your H had found out and exposed that you would have certainly gotten a D. That put a bit of fear in me that I did expose my W's affair to my side of the family and some people. I see now that could have been a huge mistake after reading your post.

I had to drop off D7's swim suit this morning to the house on my way to work. I spoke to W briefly. I told her that I don't think we should spend fathers day together. I said that she has asked for time and space to heal and that we can look at fathers days in the future. She said it doesn't matter to her. Its my day and for the girls. She seemed hardly unphased by it. I said I think God is working on me with unconditional love so take her time to do what she needs and I will see her when I drop off the kids. She said a short thanks and hardly paid attention to me.

Thats ok. This is going to be a long journey. I did alot of praying last night and this morning along with some reading. I have faith that she will come back at some point. But it isn't going to be anytime in the near future. In the mean time, I have me to work on and my girls to work on. As I said yesterday, I can't expect God to work on my W or my M until I have allowed him to work on me to be where I need to be. I am starting to really get this.

D11 goes off to church camp next week during W's week to have them. I will get D7 either wednesday or thursday night. I need to let W know this morning which night I want. And then it is another personal trial week for me. I intend on spending more time reading and praying and excercising and working on me. I have C, Monday night, a D support group Tuesday night, and church Wednesday night. The hard stretch will be Thursday night through Sunday. But I will make it and keep myself focused. One step at a time, one day at a time.

lol, W is definitely in her own world right now. And that is ok. It took over 10 years to break this down. It isn't going to be repaired over night or in a few months. This will be my greatest walk of faith ever.

Kevin