Just thought I'd pass that on. Some spouses do come around on their own and when that happens I think the chance of ultimate success is greater b/c obviously they made the choice to remain married on their own. I chose to keep my vows without pressure from anything external and without someone condemning or judging me..thank God, literally. And I chose also to "fall in love again" with my h but I don't believe if I'd seen anger from him at that time, that I could have done it.
25,
Thank you for sharing such an intensely personal story, and what your thought process was at the time. I can see how it would help you frame your views now on exposure.
For the record, I agree with you on the part I highlightedabove. I think that's very much preferable.
But I also think yours is an unusual case, or at least a minority one. By definition, most (not "all", but MOST) people who find themselves wayward, or almost wayward, are probably NOT coming from as strong of a moral base as you were, and cannot be trusted to make the right decision the way you did. My wife was NOT in a good place spiritually, and even though I knew that, and that she didn't want to hear "any of that 'God stuff'", I STILL gave her a full month and several chances to end her affair before I exposed.
While I see your point, and I do think it was a good thing that you weren't exposed before you SELF-exposed, I just don't think the average wayward spouse carefully thinks things thru, PRAYS about them, and then goes and sees both their pastor and a counselor an then acts on their advice. Would that they all would do that! I think most, in fact, are backslid and in the throes of the devil himself, and are succumbing to all sorts of temptations and weaknesses, and are likely to continue on that path unless stopped by some outside force.
That "outside force" can often by getting dumped by the OM/OW, or coming to some sort of personal "epiphany" on their own, but I wasn't about to take that chance with my family at stake. I made the difficult decision to "err" -- if I was erring -- on the side of at least doing something proactive. My wife later thanked me for it, and I would do it again.
