Not that it matters even one little bit, but I think there may be a little bit of mid-life crisis going on with your wife Tim. Alot of her recent behaviors sound a bit too familiar to me, including the ability to continue having sex with a spouse that you have already begun leaving.
What's weird to me is how easily they seem to live in both worlds at the same time. The new found ability to lie and deceive is also pretty typical, especially when it's something that was never a part of their make up in the past.
I honestly think at this point Tim that I would ask her to consider leaving (of course, if you're seriously considering a geography change of your own it may not be necessary).
As for your daughter, I think I would suggest to your wife that it was time we sat down with daughter and filled her in on the fact that the marriage was ending and why. I believe you might have even written something to this effect in one of your posts recently. It would be interesting to see what your wife's response would be to the prospect of sharing recent and future events with her child.
My experience is that it's pretty normal for there to be a measure of vindictiveness rolling around in our heads when we consider what to do and how. Keep in mind however that vindictiveness and natural consequences are not the same thing. For instance, if it turns out that your daughter knows nothing of the OM situation, she may react rather negatively to her Mom's recent behavior. That's a natural consequence of her mothers decisions/actions, NOT you exacting a measure of revenge.
Every choice we make carries consequences. When all is right with the world we expect that good decisions have good consequences and bad decisions have bad consequences. Of course it doesn't always work that way. This board is littered with stories where wandering spouses made incredibly horrible decisions and seem to have suffered no bad consequences. I just think sometimes it takes awhile for the bad consequences to catch up with some people.
Whichever route you go Tim, I hope you choose to do what is best for you at this point. You seem to know enough about how your wife has changed now to have realized that it is no longer reasonable for you to make sacrificial decisions because of some hope that she will turn around. As long as your decisions are made honestly and with integrity, there will always exist the possibility of healing and recovery if she comes to her senses. Meanwhile, you have YOU to take care of and provide for.
Blessings,
Bill
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
