Glad you got the "sign" that God is in control!! There is nothing more frustrating than the pulling back after you feel like you are "getting somewhere."
Sounds like you have more ups than downs. That's great.
Can't say much about the rings. I felt same way. Seeing her without rings was surreal but it is just another hurdle. Keep doing the things that are working. Let him make his decisions but make it a tough choice.. and it sounds like you are. (that means make You someone YOU like being with and everyone else will want you too.)
Wow. It has been an entire week since I posted on my thread!
There have been some positive moves in my sitch but then there was the ( as of now inevitable?) Pull Back trick that the WAS pull out of their knapsack. Hey, presto. Lookie here! Now I am friendly...now I am detached. Kapow!
But you know what? It is what it is. There may be many reasons for the Pull Back. Who knows what goes through their Pretty Little Heads? I certainly do not and while I pray for understanding I will not be paralyzed while seeking that understanding. I can assume several things but you know what assuming does.
I have my knapsack full of prayer and I dig deep into this bag. I have even picked up some DB Kung Fu moves from a few people on this Board. They are in the knapsack. What else is in there? Laughter, the love of God, friends and family, a positive attitude. Hey, my knapsack has some GOOD STUFF in it.
I feel free of the oppressive FEAR that I felt a while ago. I had to pick fear apart and see what it is made of. Then I saw what I am made of. And I realized that with God's help I am greater than what I fear.
So what next? I used to have a DB gameplan approach to this. I will "go dark", do a 180, etc etc. Now I feel like I will just go with the flow. I keep asking myself if this means that I am abandoning DB. Maybe. Or maybe I am just living my life. Maybe I have really Let Go. Maybe I have embraced the tools I acquired in DB and that is why I feel like I am not conciously following a gameplan. I got tired of the "doing" something and that is why I am "doing me".
I just realized that we can name some of the WAS moves. What do you think about the Classic Pull Back with a Double Axle Dismount? Does that even make sense? LOL.
I just realized that we can name some of the WAS moves. What do you think about the Classic Pull Back with a Double Axle Dismount? Does that even make sense? LOL.
Hilarious, I think things are starting to get fun around here again!
How about the triple delusional twist with the flip flop on the fly?
Kara, I like your book list a page back, I think starting next week since I will have more 'me' time and no deadlines I am going to pick up some of the books. I already have a pile to start on, but hey I'll get thru it!
I hear you on the elusive 'now u see me, now u dont' routine with pulling back. Maybe my H wants to be a magician?
I love the Classic Pull Back with a Double Axle Dismount and the triple delusional twist with the flip flop on the fly
I also like your knapsack analogy. Your right there is a lot of good stuff in there, and that will always be there where ever you go.
Me-27 H-28 M-2.5 yrs T-8.5 yrs No kids B 1/09 S 2/09
I feel free of the oppressive FEAR that I felt a while ago. I had to pick fear apart and see what it is made of. Then I saw what I am made of. And I realized that with God's help I am greater than what I fear.
Sweet! I can't tell you -- well, I guess I don't NEED to tell you LOL -- what a difference it made to me to realize The Fear was gone. The single most important moment in the past 4.5 months since D-bomb for me. When I felt -- no, when I KNEW -- that I was no longer afraid of the future, I got me a new Theme Song.
In fact, I think I'm going to start a thread about that.
Another week since I posted. I read alot but really not much to say on my own sitch.
I am very relaxed, happy, peaceful. People are saying how happy I look. I am praying a lot. A LOT!!! Listening to a lot of good music. Exercising.Reading. Taking care of myself. I have done a ton of self-examination and WORK. I spent a few weekends praying and reading and gradually it was like a big burden just started to roll off of me. (By the way, it is looking like a library in here.)
I realised that I can afford to be friendly to H because I no longer think that doing so shows that I am giving up POWER. I have MY POWER because I know I will be good. I don't worry about how he will interpret my actions because I WILL BE GOOD. I don't worry about what he is thinking. Am I living dangerously? Perhaps. Or am I just living? It feels good to be exhaling.
Do I still want to save M? Yes. Am I going to worry about it? No. Do I know a lot more about myself now? Yes. Am I the same person? No. I am different and therefore the dynamic is different. I am more mature, compassionate, more womanly instead of girlish. Am I better for it? Yes. Would I be devastated if H announced that he was ready for a D? For sure. And though I pray it doesn't come to that I would recover with God's help.
I am not in charge because God is in control. But because I know he is leading me towards something better I have more power than I realised.
-- what a difference it made to me to realize