So I WILL ramp up the attraction dept. by continuing to concentrate on me.
Stuck, if my day has taught me anything it is that sure, we fake it till we make it but don't even try to pull this stuff off until you feel it.
Today, it just rolled off of me...nearly every response, flirtation, gesture coming from a place of true f*ck-it-ness. I mean, yes my world is riding on this but I have to let H go. Magically, I knew what to do. Now, I am not saying this will win back H and Lord knows, I've analyzed my sitch inside and out, dissected, had revelations only to forget them 20 minutes later but they are all in my little brain putting the pieces together.
Between Coach, SP, and others (including H himself), it hit me. No more fear. No more eggshells. No more apologizing unless it is warranted and authentic. No more compliments I don't mean. No more BS.
You can't get there until you get there. It seems for some it is 6 weeks and some 2 years.
Yes, you have to be about YOU. Don't be afraid to let her pull herself out of her daydreams to look in your direction...you are not going to turn into a cold a**hole. I have more compassion for H today than I did yesterday and today is the day I felt he is truly on his own.
These bleeping words seem so trite sometimes...the pain, the drama, the fear of loss is so intense.
Can you see yourself without her? Worst case scenario...can you start from there and know you're ok? Can you go through the worst of it, the telling the kids and the moving apart and still see yourself as ok? I suggest you do that. Go into the belly of the beast...be on welfare in your mind, you're still living and breathing with a chance to start anew.
Sorry, I'm amped up tonight and I've learned that posting on others' threads keeps me aware and on track.
You do not exist to win your wife back. You exist for your own purpose. Don't you think she will see that and have a decision to make for herself? If she is ready to join fabulous you or not?
Oh, one last thing. I worried so much about H thinking I'm just fine without him and feeling that my being ok exhibits that I didn't really love him. Guess what? It seems to me that somewhere on this road the WAS provides the perfect opportunity to spell it out for them and be honest about our grief. I did it today. Felt good.
I hope you'll come on by and help lift me up when I'm feeling down. You've got so many answers. You know what you need to do.
