Would love to hear more about retrovaille for several people around. Is there a site here for it?
Also am very glad things worked out for you. Good to see stories like that on this board. Really. Obviously the kids' ages matter and though my m issue with my h was diff, now that we are reconciled the lasting issue remains with H and our d20. How are the R's between your kids and H, and is there some "repair plan" that your h is on, to help the r's?
D20 says she is working on forgiveness to let h "back into her heart" but a lot of damage was done. Just b/c he and I work things out, does not mean it's all well and good between h and the kids. Lately We did have a great trip overseas to see d20 in a show and then went vacationing together and there was some tension at the start, and then h and I had a serious discussion and he wanted to "finish strong" and he did, & there was some good bonding...DB coach says to encourage the R's but not take responsibility for them and I know it's a balancing act. How is that for you? Are any of the kids near or in the home? How does h feel about his R's with them? Do you worry that your son (or d) might repeat the behavior or do you think the opposite?
It's one thing to know what not to do, it's a whole other thing to know what TO DO...we (and the kids) need positive role models so that in times of crisis, we'll have something to fall back on other than the wrong choices. Did Retrovaille provide that for you? Here in our sitch I think it's crucial that h and I model that for the kids so they can learn what forgiveness looks like. Am still learning what it looks like as I did not see it much as a kid. Not much at all when I really think about it. Lot of yelling, and then retreats...and the next day resumption of the same argument. No conflict resolution.
Again, congrats and am very glad to see a happy ending here...
(( j ))
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
