"Is the goal to get myself to the point where I do get a divorce bc I don't give a rat's @$$ about H either?"
I liked the way you asked that question. This part really stood out.. "Is the goal to get myself..."
To answer the question.. No.
We tend to "fight" ourselves alot in these situations.
"Do you mean emotionally? How do I "prepare"?"
Yes. Well "prepare" has many definitions. Running, Walking, Sleeping, Eating, Constructive Deconstruction. I can't define "prepare" for you. You have to define it. Again you need something to pull your mind out of this situation. Trust me.. it will start slow. But you will find "something" if you really look. You will know it when you find it. Are you looking?
"Why? What do you mean?"
If you follow the normal pattern.. you will "waffle" all over the place with your "emotions". It's normal until you get a handle on you.
"Do you mean this to be a good thing?"
To a point.. yes. How can two people that have completely different "stimuli" come to the same thoughts together? For the sake of argument.. if he can bring you to the same place he is.. can you "change" things?
"I say then why are we here? H says bc I didn't want to leave any stone unturned & I don't think I have."
Laurie was right. I used to use the "random smacking" idea. If I walked up to you on the street and smacked you across the face.. what would you do? No matter what you answer it will fall within the idea of fight or flight. If I need to explain fight or flight let me know. This "stitch" is not much different than a "random smacking". What happens if you see me about to smack you? Do things change?
Laurie is trying to get him to "see" the consequences of his choices. To a point I think that can be good. Laurie will be a good mentor for you. Your H may not think much of her.
"I always say the biggest difference for me is that when you first started dating someone at least you knew they somewhat "liked" you."
My wife hated me when we first met. Thought I was a sarcastic SOB. The bomb kinda felt the same way. To a point you could say he still "likes" you. He is still there.
"I do have to say the weird thing is...I can feel in the pits all day about this, but God is good. As soon as H pulls in the driveway, I am able to buck right up & be the most pleasant person in the world. And I actually feel happy. This is a total oxymoron, but it's pretty sad that H still makes me feel happy to just be around him."
Keep doing this.
"'m starting to wish he would just leave...then I could relax in my own home."
Sometimes.. the things we think that will save us.. just won't.
"Anyone have any suggestions on breaking the ice with him?"
Don't. Let him come to you. Sounds silly doesn't it?
"Should I try to talk to him more or just leave him be?"
Talk about random stuff. I had a talk with my wife today about me swimming at the pool in my underwear and making her mad (It was a dream she had). Then there was a elephant that got involved and it made no sense after that. We laughed about it.
"That would be blatantly obvious that I would be trying to get away from him...which would probably cause him to think I was moping..."
So what you are saying is he can "see" when you are faking it? What if you went upstairs cause you had a cool show you wanted to watch? He was blatantly trying to get away from you... but you stayed.
The biggest + you have is he is still there.. and going to MC.
If you hold a gun to my head.. the first thing I am gonna try and do it GTFO. Once I am out.. I am never coming back. I am gonna say things that get me closer to the door.
Think. What can you do to become a more "attractive" gunman?
Relax Eat Think Act normal React.. Smartly. Do something different. Emulate. Do Work.
