In my state I have joint leagal custody with the biological dads of my daughter (yes I said dads and neither is my H) but I have physical custody with them having visitation. They pay me child support for the girls. That may be something to ask your lawyer about to get the big picture of it all. Everyone's case is different, even people that I know in the same state, and only a lawyer can really give you the legal advice that you need on all of that.
As for him not signing the letter, I would think that he would have to sign it for it to be a legal document. Everything that I have done had to be signed by me in front of my lawyer and then filed with the court house. Perhaps this letter is one that the lawyer just sent so that your H's side can 'feel you out on your thoughts'. Your advice to yourself is great, sit on it and don't say anything. Kinda like a hand of poker, you don't let on what cards you have until it's time.
My state is a 50/50 state that splits it down the middle no matter who incurs the debt. If your married when the debt is made then it is both of your debts. I hope that your state is not like that if he has incurred too much debt on his own without your knowledge.
About the OW, let her have the loser. Sorry that is harsh but he gave up his wife, his marriage, and now sounds like he is willing to give up his child for her. Let her have him. Yes it is easier said than done, I know, but think about you and your son's future. Where do you really want to be? Happy and safe or unhappy, worried, sharing your H with the OW, and unsafe?
Me-31 Him-28 D1-9 D2-6 Married 5-06 Seperated 12-07 He filed 1-08 Reconciled 4-08 D dropped 7-08 Bomb dropped about H's activities outside the marriage 4-21-09 Filed for D 4-28-09 Trying to make a go of it 6-09
