Wondering how to handle things

[kissak]

yea, a friend of mine said "he insults you every day just by being around". You are all right. I think he really just wanted to make me feel bad for not paying him some attention.

I have really been in a mood today.

I honestly think that I know what people in marriages feel like when one of them decide to leave....only mine has left, but I feel like Im the one to say enough already.

I cant keep living in limbo. I have been torturing myself lately with trying to decide what to do. I mean, I am still married to him and he has made no effort or showed any interest in filing for a divorce. So, he goes about his life talking to other women, looking for someone "to spoil" as one of his profiles said on a dating website....(YEAH RIGHT!!!) while he has me sitting here wondering what is going to happen.

He is still married to me!! He could have gotten a divorce 2 months ago! Yet I sit here, still getting texts from the man, wanting to say hello all the time, asking what Im doing...then fussing when I dont talk to him! I have had 2 and a half years of this already! Im so tired. I just wish he would go away some days....yet, it makes me cry when I think about letting go.

Im always asking myself if maybe I just want to "win". Is that it? Could that be why im holding on so long???

I dont know.

Then tonight he goes shopping for the kids and me! We are going off on a vacation this weekend, so he wanted to buy us some things to take with us...he even bought me something. It was totally out of character for him....

anyway...im just soooo ready for my vacation...I need to get away from here and clear my head some.....Im emotionally exhausted lately...and having my kids home from school with me all summer and taking them to work with me is just not working!