Steady....Thanks for that post. If I haven't said so lately, and I know you were having a bad day last time you posted on your thread....you sound good, man. Lots of good stuff in that post...gets me thinking and focused.
We are pretty simple people, financially, with probably just a bit too much debt like most people.
The equity in our home would leave us with just about 0 debt, and a little left over for the both of us to get restarted...if you could sell it...if she remains rational and keeps her end of things up until we get that far.
If she takes off and leaves me hanging?...that might be crash. Retirement??...life insurance?...a car I could sell fairly quickly?....hate to admit it, that would give me some time to breath, but I would need work to turn around quickly, which is entirely possible.
Another option that is still a possibility, although not likely soon. All that really stops me is my daughter, but now that my mother is gone, I have thought seriously about a move.
I have a brother out west, and all through this past year that was in the back of my mind..and they have already offered now that this has happened.
Not a vindictive, pack up and leave her hanging move, but a rational, get through the process, well thought out change in scenery.
Actually, I could leave her hanging, and I'm pretty sure she could be OK financially...struggle a little, but I wouldn't do that.
Going to assume rationality from both of us..for now, and get all the finance info together and organized, along with the credit cards that you mentioned. I've had all this in my head, but thanks for the reminder. You're close enough that I may ask about your lawyer and how it's going for you if we can get together off site.
Quote:
What would you accomplish by outing her to family and friends? Figure out what exactly your financial picture would look like if she were to walk out the door leaving you standing there with the bills. Get a printout of any statements that are joint. Write down any bills that are joint - credit cards, bank accounts, checking accounts, car insurance, car payments, etc... Get copies of the most recent statements. Take her name off any credit cards or acconts that are in your name - any credit cards you added her as a secondary user of the account.
From Bill, and my intentions all along, which may be why I have been so indecisive....still a little dizzy but getting there. I will not be vindictive.
""The best thing you can do for yourself right now is to continue to pull back with grace and dignity. To hold true to your principles about what is proper and what is not in ending a relationship. And to remain firm in what you will tolerate and allow yourself to be exposed to in the behavior of your still-spouse. Then do all these things without anger or vindictiveness, but almost matter of factly. As in, "that's just how I believe it needs to be."
You continue to honor the fact that you cannot control her by allowing her to proceed down the path she has chosen without throwing fits, breaking down in tears, and screaming accusations, but you also make it clear that you believe it is wrong and you are disappointed that she has made these choices.""
You keep asking, and the thoughts and concern from you guys her and off DB are awesome...I just want you all to know that I am doing OK...really OK.
The first week was horrible, but even in there was a couple good days. I have a good friend that I chat with daily online, talk on the phone occasionally with, and that has helped me keep my sanity.
I've got a "brother from another mother", that I have known since we were 15 or 16. He has always been around and even here with my wife and I on occasion. He knows what's happening, and has been there.
He's not the greatest influence, but considering the medicating that my wife and I did over the past year, it's been mild. Actually, since my wife left for vacation, and during the week they have been back...alcohol consumption is down to a tolerable level.
That aside, he and I have been out a few times, had some great nights..ran into people we haven't seen in ages...ate wings, drank beer and played pool.
We are planning a camping trip, so I won't be going alone this year, and we have some common interests so I know we will be doing some things over the summer.
This is getting longer than I wanted. I'll write more soon.
