Saving a Military Marriage.... 4

[FitChik]

Thanks for checking in Kevin, SMW, and T :-)

I haven't been spending much time on the site. I am super busy getting ready to deploy! I stop by and follow other threads but have not updated mine a lot.

It has been a very tough month now and I finally feel like I'm starting to come out of it. It has been very hard for me to deploy having our sitch unresolved. If something were to happen to me or my H, it's hard knowing my H has so much anger towards me. And there is nothing I can do to fix it. It's been difficult to accept. I hate going to bed when mad at someone :-)

I went through several short periods where I felt hopeless and it was very difficult for me to continue pouring my heart into prayer and seeking God. I am not angry with God in anyway but felt frustrated. The chaplain I see for MC gave me an assignment to get angry with God and tell Him anything that was on my mind..... good and bad. It helped some and I have continued to be renewed. I am thankful my faith has been my stronghold this entire trial..... I think I would have jumped off a cliff by now :-).

My H has been very angry and has probably been emotionally abusive at times due to his anger. When he gets that angry, I have told him I will not tolerate him talking with me that way and get off the phone. Any conversation we have now is in regards to legalities....

I have prayed a lot about using a military act to delay everything through the time I'm away (12 months). Considering the D was filed in December and it is now June, our D has continued to be delayed for multiple reasons. I often wonder if it was purely a coincidence or if God is involved in the delay..... I am not completely sure what I will do but I am leaning towards not using the military act and letting everything play out while I'm gone. If God truly wants our M reconcilled, He does not "need" me to use an act that delays it a year. If it is truly meant to be, it will work itself out on its own w/o forcing my H to stayed married to me against his will. Any thoughts are appreciated......

I leave in 2 weeks for Afghanistan. I know I will be very busy getting packed up and moved out. I have a lot of loose ends to tie up. I also have a few fun social events I am looking forward to before leaving. I feel like I have little time left to have complete freedom and feel like a woman! It is bittersweet to leave for an entire year.