Life After the Affair

[MrBond]

Just tell him in a light manner, like "hearing a guy talk like a baby might turn you on, but not me." Just light and friendly.

Glad to hear things are moving in a positive direction.

[MrBond]

Oh and WDID,

I did have a question about my sitch. There are times in the last couple of weeks especially that I'd notice my W just kind of "daydream". Could they be of the OM? or maybe dreaming of a life alone? I just needed an opinion. I left a more detailed account on my thread.

Thanks.

[Yoyowife]

Didi,
I do understand where you are coming from. We as women want strong men. We also want communication from them. Start the communication with him, don't let things go so far that things become unbearable for him. I wish my H had talked to me.

I have so much admiration for you admitting that the affair was a mistake and that your family is the most important thing in the world to you.

[whatdidido]

Thanks everyone.

Karen- I don't know why I have a hard time with talking to my H about my fantasies, etc. We can talk about EVERYTHING else. I think it is because I feel like I am putting pressure on him when I do, and that doesn't help things. I think he is showing me love in his way, and I DO feel it, it just isn't "doing it for me". I hope the books will help him.

Stuck- Telling my H things in a light manner is walking a fine line. He sees so many things as "pressure". And, about your sitch, your W could be thinking LOTS of things. I would guess she is thinking about OM and missing things/feelings, thinking she will never be happy again. It takes time. Nothing you can do. You have to focus on yourself right now and improve yourself so that you are attractive to her. IT's what my husband did back then for me, and it is what he needs to do again. A strong man is attractive. A strong man isn't a jerk, he is one that has his own interests, has his own friends, is fun to be around, and is happy.

Yoyo- COmmunication is key. Ok, maybe I should see if he wants to "dialogue journal" about that topic. We haven't done our REtrouvaille stuff in a while, this may be JUSt the thing to use it for. He is better when we email, etc. It is a way he can express himself well. And, you are exactly right, my family is the MOST important thing in the world to me. Thanks, yoyo.

I see the cycle returning with my H and I. I see clearly now how I did what I did. I'm feeling unattractive and undesired by him right now. To go from an OM who was soo proud of me that he wanted to show me off wherever we went, to my H who has been there with me for years now and has moved to a more mature love, is hard. I know he loves me, but because the intimacy is lacking, it makes me feel ugly. I realize a lot of this is self confidence, but some of this is just a woman's desire to be looked at as a woman. The difference now is that I am aware of everything. I KNOW my H loves me and wants me, we just have some major issues to get through. Yep, we will start dialoguing about it and go from there. Step by step.

[kat727]

I think being aware of your issues makes such a difference. I can see in myself how some things could become problems or addictions for me and I have to stop myself. No one else can do that...just ourselves. That stopping ourselves, putting the brakes on is a hard thing to do. Just remember if you ever need help to put the brakes on you are allowed to ask for it.

I am glad that you are doing better. I know you have had a few rough weeks. I am here if you need me.

kat

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Me too, WDID!

Hugs & Puppy Licks,

Puppy

[whatdidido]

Thanks, Kat. I'm able to put on the brakes now because of the awareness of what is going on. So much different than my earlier desperate pleas for help on here. I remember literally holding the cell phone, after getting a letter and typing on here to all of you so that I wouldn't call the OM. I'm way past that.

I haven't said anything to my H because I don't want to ruin Father's Day weekend, but I will bring it up next week. If I get a chance to say something in a light manner, like Stuck suggested, I will, though.

I just got over that special time of the month that women have, :), so that might have had something to do with my extreme emotions, too.

I appreciate the hugs and puppy licks, too, Pup.

[karen43]

Yeah, it's good sometimes to think just how far we've come. I remember when you first got here, and you have changed in so many positive ways, and now are so helpful to others here too. You got off the rollercoaster and help others also. Very cool....Hope you're having a great weekend! Karen

[GH31]

Hey WDID,

Have you ever read The Man's Guide to Great Relationships and Marriage by David Cunnigham? I would highly recommend it in your sitch (FWIW - I am far from being a success story on here).

I have found it to be incredible. Sorry to be a fella here and immediately suggest a solution to a problem - it really will help your hubby if he is willing.

Best of luck,

GH31

[whatdidido]

GH, would I read that book or my H?