Newby

[judyc]

I've not been around the forum for awhile, I am trying to keep my schedule full with activities. The more occupied I keep myself, the less I think about H. But when I am not busy, all I can think about is the pain he has caused. He is out having a great time (an assumption, but probably true) while I feel abandoned and hurt. Shopping for replacement items for the fire-damaged house and picking out new paint colors for all the rooms is fun, but reality will strike when I move back in in a couple of weeks. He had only been gone 4 days when the fire occurred. WHen I move back in I will be unpacking all of my pictures of us, items and knicknacks he had given me over the years, stuffed animals he had given me, etc. I think I will just put all that stuff in a box. I don't think I can bear to see it. I have already put the pictures of him that I had on my desk at work out of sight in one of my desk drawers.

And, my anniversary is on Saturday... I wonder if he will even be thinking about me. He always remembered our anniversary, and we did wonderful things to celebrate each year. I am going on an art tour during the day, so that will be fun and keep me busy and with friends. Maybe I am due for a shopping trip on Saturday night...

I was feeling strong and confident, until the anger set in about a few weeks ago. Now I feel angry and hurt. I hope I get out of this phase soon... It sucks.