Just for the sake of argument, I wonder what would happen to a) you and b) to your husband if you did go? Why not? You didn't go before and likely the friends get taken by H only because you let them go (although they don't get "taken" like that - that's your perspective and discomfort).
This is a friend he has had his whole life. I will probably stop by.
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I wonder about the idea of the LA fog? I can see it would be easy to get sucked up into it. What would happen if you embraced that side of him? He obviously needs it to boost himself. I agree that he'll fall hard. But do you have to hate that side? Could that have been part of your marital issues in the past? I ask because your rants indicate to me that you have a hatred of his job and a strong dislike when he parents in a way that you don't like (i.e. not dangerous, but different than you would like). That stands out to me in these posts.
I've embraced it in many ways AND, like I said somewhere else on the thread, it can become like and addiction and then it is threatening. If you want a M to survive in this biz, you have to really make it a priority. Trust me, having him come home bright eyed and ranting about this celeb and that (many female)...it was tough. AND, comparing me and our life...it was really destructive. Since the bomb, I have absolutely listened, given my "awesome" and even admitted to regretting not going out more with him (though he since told me that he wanted someone who could go out every night with him...that's realistic)...so, I've spent these months expressing much more interest. By most accounts, it is perverse how much he is gloating in light of what is happening with his family. I go back and forth.
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I'm suggesting you cast off from the real world, but have you considered, I mean fully considered how you may have come across to H over the years?? The parenting differences must have been a source of friction whether you knew it/saw it or not.
Yes, yes, yes.!!! And I didn't like myself for it. AND, sometimes two things are true simultaneously. I was too critical, didn't nurture that part of him enough and withdrew out of fear and insecurity myself AND, his insecurity and lust for attention was detrimental to our finances, our R and our kids. It happens as a dynamic.
Self-reflection- Pre DB, I really delved into this and read so much and tried to capture what it is about me that is faulty and needs work. I have practiced every day being different and less judgmental, less critical of H and others. Yes, I fall short sometimes, especially on here. But I also realize that I've been so afraid of having my pov and accepting that H and I truly have different world views and perspectives. AND, they may just not be workable or it may not be worth it. Today, I really acknowledged that with him that his point of view is obviously as valid as mine (this was in relation to his current lifestyle and what happened in M). And I was sincere that I know it is ok for us to see it differently.
Self-reflection. Beyond what I did in the past (much of it I was already working on), NOW...I need to stop judging him and create things myself. Stop making excuses. Accept the gifts of this sitch regardless of the disappointment and hard work ahead. Stop living in fear. Accept D. Explore my hostility and find tools for processing it and chilling it out.
DO what I say I'm going to do. For one, go exercise now.
Nice work A&K, especially considering how you were beating yourself up yesterday (mixed in with some bouts of really good stuff on other peoples' sitches, but I digress)...
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I can't even delve into all that transpired. But I definitely pulled off some Kung Fu Dbing.
Pretty soon, everyone will be Kung Fu DBing...
I, for one, see you finding your way out of the Valley...
In fact, we may have to turn your name around to KA, where the "K" is still "Kicking"...
New: What a Weekend
H-48 WAW-49 M-22 S-14,9 D-11 EA disc.-11/07 PA disc.-3/08 EA2?-6/08 to ?
I am too humbled to think I'm done here. Taking it all in...especially my judgments when H brags.
He's here (I'm going out, woohoo)...he was just doing it again the big brag and I stopped myself for once from judging it in my mind. It is fun to rant about but it is really not helping me anymore. It is his deal and he may very well be doing it 40 years from now. Hopefully, I'll just smile and not give it another thought.
I got dressed to go out...H commenting on if I was going on a date...giving me tips jokingly...nervously asking questions...I just smirked and kept my cool.
Finally, he says, "maybe you can find a real man who has some money and isn't like me, a train-wreck."
I said softly and directly, "Hey H, you we're a train-wreck but you were my train-wreck."
Slam dunk, out the door, he watched me leave. Said it was too intriguing seeing me when I'm going out.
I said, it is always intriguing to me what he's doing even when I don't see him...
He said "why?"
I said it was always intriguing to me what you were doing and who you were with when you were going out all the time while we were together...(i don't think i phrased it like that)
He sort of gave a yeah right look
see ya. and he watched me walk away as he commented on my gait or something inane...
this is sort of fun. there was some other rambling in there about how he'd tell me anything I asked. I said "i know enough" he said "you don't know anything, what do you know?" and so on...
