Newly separated...spouse left, 4th thread

[Bridgestone]

But how do I show consistent, loving actions when we NEVER see each other?

Maybe, just maybe.. right now to your WAW that is the most loving, consistent, kind thing you can do....

It may always be the most loving & kind thing you can do for her.

[aliveandkicking]

Sorry, I got side tracked. Here's the link to Stuck's thread-

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1784759&page=26

Hey...it's kinda hard to 'hit and run' flirt via text or E-mail. Besides...I don't know if she's anywhere near to being receptive to something like that. So, is the consensus AGAINST writing the note like my father-in-law suggested?

I want to read more of your thread but I'm out right...

I am out but I want to read more of your thread later...


ps - Thanks for coming back, aliveandkicking!

[antlers]

Sorry, I got side tracked. Here's the link to Stuck's thread-

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1784759&page=26

Hey...it's kinda hard to 'hit and run' flirt via text or E-mail. Besides...I don't know if she's anywhere near to being receptive to something like that. So, is the consensus AGAINST writing the note like my father-in-law suggested?

I want to read more of your thread but I'm out right...

I am out but I want to read more of your thread later...


ps - Thanks for coming back, aliveandkicking!

aliveandkicking wrote..."I want to read more of your thread but I'm out right...

I am out but I want to read more of your thread later..."


OK. I look forward to hearing from you...thanks!

[antlers]

But how do I show consistent, loving actions when we NEVER see each other?

Maybe, just maybe.. right now to your WAW that is the most loving, consistent, kind thing you can do....

Hi Bridge...I've thought about that very thing...a lot! I made her feel so disregarded, devalued, and rejected over the years...I don't know how long it's gonna take her to heal! I just know that I hope she does heal. If I had promoted compassion in our marriage, I am confident there would not have been the resentment, anger, and abuse that was there. I was an idiot...I just didn't know how to deal with stuff (insecurities) in an appropriate manner.

Anyway...I think it's possible that you are right about your statement above. I appreciate you Bridgestone.

[aliveandkicking]

Sorry, I got side tracked. Here's the link to Stuck's thread-

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1784759&page=26

Hey...it's kinda hard to 'hit and run' flirt via text or E-mail. Besides...I don't know if she's anywhere near to being receptive to something like that. So, is the consensus AGAINST writing the note like my father-in-law suggested?

I want to read more of your thread but I'm out right...

I am out but I want to read more of your thread later...


ps - Thanks for coming back, aliveandkicking!

aliveandkicking wrote..."I want to read more of your thread but I'm out right...

I am out but I want to read more of your thread later..."


OK. I look forward to hearing from you...thanks!

Oopsy! Iphone glitch and no I don't think I'm that important, just want to reciprocate as you've offered me a lot of insights on my sitch.

[aliveandkicking]

But how do I show consistent, loving actions when we NEVER see each other?

Maybe, just maybe.. right now to your WAW that is the most loving, consistent, kind thing you can do....

I'm going to tell you right now (having not read the whole thread yet, every time I check in and see how guilty you are, I want to scream. Maybe you can take this space and get a more objective picture of what happened and the role your wife played. When H left, he laid it all on me and I lapped it up because I knew there were kernels of truth. It took me a while to see the traps that were set for me and how I was mistreated.

You will not get anywhere IMO while you are feeling guilty and left behind. We all have choices and it her choice to decide that she is done...that is a painful choice but of course she is entitled.

I want to read back. Lots going on with me. I need to get some more things done (GAL)...but I have had this feeling when I come to your thread. I don't think I could really be attractive to someone who was that guilty. See SP. You can feel culpable for your part, commit to doing better AND recognize the ways that your own best self was suppressed in the R.


Hi Bridge...I've thought about that very thing...a lot! I made her feel so disregarded, devalued, and rejected over the years...I don't know how long it's gonna take her to heal! I just know that I hope she does heal. If I had promoted compassion in our marriage, I am confident there would not have been the resentment, anger, and abuse that was there. I was an idiot...I just didn't know how to deal with stuff (insecurities) in an appropriate manner.

Anyway...I think it's possible that you are right about your statement above. I appreciate you Bridgestone.

I'm going to tell you right now (having not read the whole thread yet), every time I check in and see how guilty you are, I want to scream. Maybe you can take this space and get a more objective picture of what happened and the role your wife played. When H left, he laid it all on me and I lapped it up because I knew there were kernels of truth. It took me a while to see the traps that were set for me and how I was mistreated.

You will not get anywhere IMO while you are feeling guilty and left behind. We all have choices and it is her choice to decide that she is done...that is a painful choice but of course she is entitled.

I want to read back. Lots going on with me. I need to get some more things done (GAL)...but I have had this feeling when I come to your thread. I don't think I could really be attracted to someone who was that guilty. See SP's thread. You can feel culpable for your part, commit to doing better AND recognize the ways that your own best self was suppressed in the R.

I suggest you read Radical Forgiveness (Colin Tippens I think)...

As long as you have been so unforgiving of yourself, I don't think she can forgive you either.

This is a bit esoteric. You don't have to be in physical contact for that dynamic to change. And, no I'm not religious but there is an energy factor IMO.

Can you, for the sake of expediency just recap what your sitch is right now? Living separately? Communicate how frequently? Kids?

[antlers]

Well, I think you're 'that' important, and I appreciate your insights on my situation always!

[antlers]

But how do I show consistent, loving actions when we NEVER see each other?

Maybe, just maybe.. right now to your WAW that is the most loving, consistent, kind thing you can do....

Hi Bridge...I've thought about that very thing...a lot! I made her feel so disregarded, devalued, and rejected over the years...I don't know how long it's gonna take her to heal! I just know that I hope she does heal. If I had promoted compassion in our marriage, I am confident there would not have been the resentment, anger, and abuse that was there. I was an idiot...I just didn't know how to deal with stuff (insecurities) in an appropriate manner.

Anyway...I think it's possible that you are right about your statement above. I appreciate you Bridgestone.

I'm going to tell you right now (having not read the whole thread yet), every time I check in and see how guilty you are, I want to scream. Maybe you can take this space and get a more objective picture of what happened and the role your wife played. When H left, he laid it all on me and I lapped it up because I knew there were kernels of truth. It took me a while to see the traps that were set for me and how I was mistreated.

You will not get anywhere IMO while you are feeling guilty and left behind. We all have choices and it is her choice to decide that she is done...that is a painful choice but of course she is entitled.

I want to read back. Lots going on with me. I need to get some more things done (GAL)...but I have had this feeling when I come to your thread. I don't think I could really be attracted to someone who was that guilty. See SP's thread. You can feel culpable for your part, commit to doing better AND recognize the ways that your own best self was suppressed in the R.

I suggest you read Radical Forgiveness (Colin Tippens I think)...

As long as you have been so unforgiving of yourself, I don't think she can forgive you either.

This is a bit esoteric. You don't have to be in physical contact for that dynamic to change. And, no I'm not religious but there is an energy factor IMO.

Can you, for the sake of expediency just recap what your sitch is right now? Living separately? Communicate how frequently? Kids?

Hey aliveandkicking.

I look forward to responding to your post, but I want to give it the time and effort it deserves. I'm wrapping things up with my kiddos before I take them to their mom's tonight. I will respond later on tonight. Thank you for your input aliveandkicking.

[aliveandkicking]

So, you DO see her on occasion...

I will be looking checking on your thread later.

[antlers]

So, you DO see her on occasion...

I will be looking checking on your thread later.

Nope. When she brings them over, she stays out in her car and lets them out and the kids come on in. When I bring them over to her place, I stay out in my car and let them out and they go on in. We haven't seen each other in a while.