I did it. I was honest, authentic, validated when he spoke the truth, called it out when not.
I can't even delve into all that transpired. But I definitely pulled off some Kung Fu Dbing.
H has a "someone." Blam, no problem. Good to know. "Good to consider how that might influence these major decisions that are being made that impact us and our family" H- "Oh, no, it is not that kind of thing." Master AK- " Well, it can be hard to see, I know because I find just being interested in other guys is so distracting." Hmmm...H looks uncomfortable. AK-"I just want to make sure when I look back 10 years from now that I can feel right about my role in this, you know?" H- "Ya, of course...Uh, so, you said you've got a guy or guys you're interested in?" AK- "Ya, it's nice you know." And so on...handled the probing questions. Clarified no sex right now but I like getting attention.
He didn't quite let that one go. Good.
So much went on in this convo. So much covered and revealed.
A little WAS manipulation went down. "When I see how unaffected you are by me being with someone else, it becomes so clear that this is not about me but you are just worried about the kids." I just laid it out, nothing to lose. I very matter of factly told him about the sleepless nights and nightmares and panic I went through in the beginning but what does he want from me? I clarified that it was about him and it is about him but that I have braced myself and I have to be sane and accept the reality. It went on but was all good. I really spoke my truth and I saw him for who he is and what he is doing. And, I took the risk of bursting through his bubble before that R gets out of hand. If he goes all the way, so be it.
Later, I even mentioned Retrouvaille, not by name, but just, having acknowledged that I'm really liking what is happening in my life and that we are moving on, that I had heard of some program that is sort of a last resort thing, "you know, just to see if anything is left there and seal the deal. He's "not into therapy". "Ya, me neither, this is different." H- "What is it?" AK-"You go away for a weekend and I guess sort through everything. Not sure I'd want to do it, just sounded interesting. Some courts in some states even mandate before finalizing a divorce." He actually showed more interest than I thought he would and it was quick and light. And, I wasn't lying. I don't know that I would want to do it with him at this point. Sort of trying to neutralize this and make it more of a mutual separation. Felt good and honest.
So much more went down!!! I just was so direct and loving too. No fear. Already D.
Thank you for helping me here. I need to keep on track. AND, I know that I've got a lot of work to do.
