But how do I show consistent, loving actions when we NEVER see each other?
Maybe, just maybe.. right now to your WAW that is the most loving, consistent, kind thing you can do....
I'm going to tell you right now (having not read the whole thread yet, every time I check in and see how guilty you are, I want to scream. Maybe you can take this space and get a more objective picture of what happened and the role your wife played. When H left, he laid it all on me and I lapped it up because I knew there were kernels of truth. It took me a while to see the traps that were set for me and how I was mistreated.
You will not get anywhere IMO while you are feeling guilty and left behind. We all have choices and it her choice to decide that she is done...that is a painful choice but of course she is entitled.
I want to read back. Lots going on with me. I need to get some more things done (GAL)...but I have had this feeling when I come to your thread. I don't think I could really be attractive to someone who was that guilty. See SP. You can feel culpable for your part, commit to doing better AND recognize the ways that your own best self was suppressed in the R.
Hi Bridge...I've thought about that very thing...a lot! I made her feel so disregarded, devalued, and rejected over the years...I don't know how long it's gonna take her to heal! I just know that I hope she does heal. If I had promoted compassion in our marriage, I am confident there would not have been the resentment, anger, and abuse that was there. I was an idiot...I just didn't know how to deal with stuff (insecurities) in an appropriate manner.
Anyway...I think it's possible that you are right about your statement above. I appreciate you Bridgestone.
I'm going to tell you right now (having not read the whole thread yet), every time I check in and see how guilty you are, I want to scream. Maybe you can take this space and get a more objective picture of what happened and the role your wife played. When H left, he laid it all on me and I lapped it up because I knew there were kernels of truth. It took me a while to see the traps that were set for me and how I was mistreated.
You will not get anywhere IMO while you are feeling guilty and left behind. We all have choices and it is her choice to decide that she is done...that is a painful choice but of course she is entitled.
I want to read back. Lots going on with me. I need to get some more things done (GAL)...but I have had this feeling when I come to your thread. I don't think I could really be attracted to someone who was that guilty. See SP's thread. You can feel culpable for your part, commit to doing better AND recognize the ways that your own best self was suppressed in the R.
I suggest you read Radical Forgiveness (Colin Tippens I think)...
As long as you have been so unforgiving of yourself, I don't think she can forgive you either.
This is a bit esoteric. You don't have to be in physical contact for that dynamic to change. And, no I'm not religious but there is an energy factor IMO.
Can you, for the sake of expediency just recap what your sitch is right now? Living separately? Communicate how frequently? Kids?
