Trying to stay strong

[hopeful_cb]

Kara thanks for writing, sorry it got lost! I hate when that happens! Its ok about posting here too, dont worry, its all welcome. I really liked this comment... 'I no longer just know that I will be happy someday. I am as happy as I can be today, all things considered' I am feeling more like this as time goes by.

I have done some rethinking of how things went. I am glad that it went ok, relieved more likely too. I think you are right that he is trying to open a door to other things, not R or M stuff but honestly I feel he is so mixed up right now he cant even see the wood thru the trees (is that how it goes?) Im def not trying to fix any of his problems but Im not going to completely ignore him either, friends? im not sure on that, friendly ok I'll try this.

There were lots of little things that seemed different when I saw him, but im going to let it all go for now, its out of my hands.

I thought about giving H a book as a gift too, but didnt get to pick it up yet, so maybe I still will. I dont think he will be getting a gift from anyone else in his life(his mom sent a card and the rest of his family wont bother) and I was happy he remembered me on my bday.

Will be giving in my essay tomorrow so doing last minute touches on it in the day tomorrow. Then can get back to my life again!

I had a nice chat with my sister tonight about things and got to talk to my nephew on the phone that was nice.

I have viewed a couple of apartments since I have to start thinking about if I will move soon. July is kind of my cut off for staying here, I could say but it would cost me a fortune and dont know how reasonable that would be for me. I am trying to decide if I should share a place with a female friend of mine to make things cheaper for me, or if I should get something on my own for just me. Wondering if I move in with a friend if this could hurt me in my sitch or if it doesnt matter at this point? I know I can't wait around for H and dont plan to. But feel like if I do this it will be a lot more final bc there will be no more 'our' place and H will have to come move his stuff out. He's not bothered to do this at all.

I didn't expect to find anything for a while but saw a house today that I really like, but it would be to share with friend if we decided to do that. So I don't know, still thinking. I could save a lot of money and it would help me with savings.

He also slipped a couple times when I saw him and said 'our' house, instead of just 'the' house or my house. im sure it means nothing but was surprised.

He sent me a message saying he has new dvd series would I like to watch it, if so he will bring it for me? been a couple random nice messages/offers like this. Don't think you would bother with this if you 1 weren't thinking of the person or 2 didn't want anything to do with them. So that is confusing. but again going to leave it for now.