Fire's burning out...just smoldering

[blindsided1]

You know, that's what is so difficult for me. He spends really no time with K. Only Friday nights he has her. He talks about how he is taking care of his daughter and what a great Dad he is. But, when she is sick or there is a special occassion...he's not there unless it's his visitation day. He never calls to see how she is between his visits. He didn't ask how her Christmas was or anything. I doubt he'll call her on her birthday. And, his excuse is.."she can't talk." Well, yes she can. She calls out for him often after her visit with him. It breaks my heart to hear her say "dada" and I have to say, "Daddy's not here". I know she doesn't feel the impact, but one day she will. And, even if she can't have a conversation with her...she recognizes his voice. She loves to have people talk to her on the phone. I just think that when she is out of sight, she is out of mind.

My Dad rarely called or had contact with us between our visits when I was growing up. I was 7. He had us every other weekend. I know my Dad loved me and he was always good to my Mom. They always loved each other even though they were re-married to other people. They loved each other because of us and we knew it. But, I have to say, unintentionally, my Dad left a huge hole in me. I had and continue to have abandonment issues. I hate to be left. I hate to lose people. I can't let go. Obviously, I've been on this board for over a year and a half and I can't even let go of my loser H. I worry for K that she might feel that way and make poor choices in men. I worry that she will see her Dad with her brother that is only 9months younger with her and wonder why she wasn't good enough to stay for. But, I think if I can prepare and educate myself as much as possible, I can keep her from feeling that or at least minimize it. I'll certainly give it everything I have.