The point of not pursuing is that that behavior is not attractive. Your actions and words need to convey that you are calm, confident and are not pushing him in any way. Now, that does not become a doormat. But, what you are trying to communicate to him is that you realize you cannot control him or make him stay. And you cant. The book goes into much more detail on this (Acting "As If"). What you are going to try to do with your actions - not words - is to become a wife that only a fool would leave. In the process you will become a better person.
