wants a divorce but she may not be able to recover unless she can get past this.
She thought I would never do this but I did.
She had a vision of me that I would never do such a thing. I WOULDN'T that vision is mostly correct. I hate cheaters and I always have. But now I am one. I want her to know that this does not mean I would ever do it again nor does it diminish my commitment to our marriage. These were very extreme circumstances and I fell down HARD. We do not live together, in fact we are very very far apart geographically. Any advice on what to say or do? Please Please help me articulate an apology!
You've already apologized. I'd recommend that you now DROP IT, and in fact if she brings it up again, say something like "I've already apologized to you, and I've said my peace. Now please don't bring it up again; I find it especially insulting since you fail to see your own fault for your own affair."
And then never discuss it again, unless it's in a MC session.
I can agree with that but I have to contend with geography as well. How do I get that chance? By the Way, she is coming to grips with her having done this to me in the first place, it just blows her mind that "I" did this to her.
She has to understand by telephone somehow that it was extreme and I am not a liar or a serial cheater and that getting our butts into counseling and stopping this cycle is in both of our best interest.
You asked for help in articulating an apology. I don't care if it's in person, via TM, via e-mail or the phone, but WHATEVER means of communication she is using to try to make YOU apologize, you need to nix this now.
That isn't what I mean. I have apologized and she acknowledges it and her part. It is nixed.
However, I can go about my business and forget all about her or I can find a way to get the marriage back and working. For the first time in almost a year we are both single!!! this is an opportunity and I don't know how to take advantage of it. I guess that is what I am looking for.
You can't logically explain it to her. You're trying to win some sort of logical DEBATE with her, rather than dealing with her on her level (emotionally).
Classic Mars and Venus stuff.
Go back and re-read your thread. How many times have you re-posted the same thought: "She's being unfair . . ." "How can I make her see . . . " etc.
IT IS WHAT IT IS. Deep down, she doesn't believe that anyway, so don't worry so much about it. She knows what she did was wrong, and she knows it's not the same. So what??
Work on YOU, work on being CONSISTENT with your changes, and STAY THE COURSE.
I really think you W is trying to manipulate the situation here to be honest. My H played this number on me before. Six years back before we were married, I was absolutely tired of ILYBINILWY crap and felt done in a way. I went and had an A, told H the very same night. In fact I did it in revenge. He tried to use that against me til this day. He acted like he was not having an A. Days later I learned from a femail friend that he was manipulating and was in fact seeing someone else. Ahhhh, and still I married him.
But she's trying to take attention off of her actions.
TY yes I agree that she is being manipulative but more to herself. I should not have had an A and I regret the timing, but I am calling my shots now. I hate her being hurt but I want a reconciliation of equals.
