Different Places - Different Spaces

[Uncool Cat]

It's my birthday today. I am of two minds right now. One side of me says, "Man up! Get your stuff together. You need to execise and eat better. Make this year better than last year no matter what."

The other side of me says, "I'm 40 now. My wife has left me. I was looking forward to turning 40. I was hoping for a big birthday party with all my friends and family. The problem is she would have been the one that took care of all that. What am I supposed to do: throw a party for myself? no."

So now I'm back to, "Man up! And stop whining!" It's like I said. I go back and forth. At least she had my boys call me this morning before work. They were sweet, but I broke down and cried after I got off the phone. Don't worry I didn't do it while I was on the phone. That would have been bad.

I have to do something about this depression. I don't want drugs, and even St. John's Wort seems to mess with my digestion. But, I just can't focus. I don't ever feel like doing anything. I barely feel like typing this post. Don't get me wrong. I am at work, and I'm not in danger of losing my job or anything. But it's hard for me to even go to the grocery store or do anything that requires a little extra energy.

And, this is where I should listen to the other side of my brain again that says, "Get your stuff together and get moving!"

It's just weird that six months ago I was actually looking forward to 40. It's amazing what can happen in six months.

As a side note: I don't understand this whole mood icon on here. It seems new. I tried to just take it off, but it only lets me change my mood, not take it off. Is this some sort of metaphor for life?

I'm going to sign off now. I'd love to hear from anyone who has the time and energy to type. Take care.