I haven't replied to you, and I am in a VERY diff situation, but in reading your stitch, I wanted to put my 2 cents in for what it's worth.
I think what your doing is GREAT, and you seem to have made progress, which is also great. However, my opinion is that in time a decision will have to be made. How long do you want to do this? How much time are you willing to give up of your life, and moving forward with it for a man who left you?
At one point you were worried that cutting off ML might make him " forget ", or I believe you said you were afraid he'd forget what he was missing.. etc.... My comment on that would be.. >> Is that what you want him to come back for? Do you want your H to come back because he's realized the connection you have for that reason. I would want my husband to care, remember, and want me on all other levels and not sex based.
TO me, you seem like a very smart, strong woman. Yes, you've had your setbacks, but your human as well. There may come a time where you have to take control, and simply say enough in enough. Not knowing is also letting him get away with " thinking. " Which is also cake eating in a sense. He can have the happy life, see you and the kids, and NOT have the " actual " family.
When I saw you write about meeting up with " B " and how it made you feel. It reminded me of a very good friend of mine. She was in the exact place you are. She did all that you are. Eventually she moved home to be with family. He did in fact follow her. Guess what?........... Eventually it was to late for him. In being strong, and GAL, she realized it was too late. That he hurt her, and she waited long enough. She played the " game " long enough. I felt sorry for him ( sorta ) because he had a change of heart and desperately wanted her back, but after so much time, it ended up being too late. I supported her 100%, and got her completely.
I'm not sure how long you've been doing this, but I would suggest giving yourself a time line. I would also tell him. In saying to him something like >> I love you deeply, and would love nothing more then to be back together as a family, however if that can't happen, then I need to know, as I will not be here forever.( etc ) Short & sweet. ( hell, id mention that you in fact want a relationship with some1 who loves you deeply, and if you can't have it with him, you need to know ) Force him to make some sort of decision.
This may scare you into thinking that if you push to fast, he will make the wrong decision. BUT, look at it this way. IF he truly wants YOU , and LOVES YOU, the answer will be what you want. IF the answer is NO, then why fight for it.
He has it easy right now. You on the other hand do not, and that saddens me. When your ready, I think tough questions have to be put out there.
GOOD LUCK............ You have been amazing thru it all I think!
