Donna, it helps me to recognize that all people are broken. My STBX and yours are not "good" or "bad" they just are! One of the things I used to do was not accept caring things from her. I'd say "Oh, I can take care of that" or "don't put yourself out" etc. but what I was doing was not allowing that person to care for me although I cared for her. It became an unequal R and when one person is the "all-caring" and the other isn't allowed to do things in return it poisons a R. Now, she wasn't the most giving to begin with but when she wanted to be, I didn't let her. That's my bad! So yesterday, although I had soup in the cupboard I realized that she wanted to do this for me so I let her...I let her care for me even if it did put her out. It's something I will definately need to be aware of and work to change in any future R's. I'm learning! I hope you feel better soon too
