It's weird - it can hurt when they are hurtful, but it is painful when they are nice, too. I SO get it! Times when you are down or sick are going to be triggers.
Meanwhile, did you rent a stupid movie? Will Farrell might help...
Hi Donna, I took the kids to Lost World last weekend, so I've had my fill of Will Farrell for now! STBX came over tonight and brought me some Chinese fish congee, noodles and some buns. Again, she asked how I was feeling and told me I sounded much better than this morning. For so long she wasn't there even in the slightest way for me and now she acts like a friend...it's kind of like my own little Lost World, isn't it! Thanks for checking in on me Donna.
I'm not comfortable with the friend thing, either. I have always been in awe of how you get along with her, to begin with.
It's like, if he stays an a$$, then it is easier to think, ok, this guy changed and I don't want to be with who he has become. It makes more sense to the wounded heart.
If he is nice, it is too easy for the feelings of attraction to come back. Then I look to blame myself again, since such a nice guy wouldn't have done these terrible things if only I had (fill in the blank). It also feels like I am "letting him off the hook" when he gets to act nicely to me, like pretending that nothing bad happened. Both very bad DBing...
Hope you feel better soon - I'm right there with you, suckish summer cold...
Donna, it helps me to recognize that all people are broken. My STBX and yours are not "good" or "bad" they just are! One of the things I used to do was not accept caring things from her. I'd say "Oh, I can take care of that" or "don't put yourself out" etc. but what I was doing was not allowing that person to care for me although I cared for her. It became an unequal R and when one person is the "all-caring" and the other isn't allowed to do things in return it poisons a R. Now, she wasn't the most giving to begin with but when she wanted to be, I didn't let her. That's my bad! So yesterday, although I had soup in the cupboard I realized that she wanted to do this for me so I let her...I let her care for me even if it did put her out. It's something I will definately need to be aware of and work to change in any future R's. I'm learning! I hope you feel better soon too
What you said about accepting help is so true. I always was the kind of person that said "I can do it myself, don't need any help". Well, look at me now ---- I so appreciate people helping me out (and not just my H).
Get well soon.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
I'm getting there, Being Me! I met someone today who has the same virus and we compared our almost passing out stories. It's so nice to find your misery has company I had a nice conversation tonight with the gymnastic coaches husband, who also runs the club with her. I dropped in to pass on some info and suddenly he said to me "Whatis, you and your wife live separately, right?" I said we did. He said "how do you two do it? Your girls are both so well adjusted and happy, you would never know their parents were separated" He then went on to tell me of all the kids they've dealt with at the club who carry so much pain around from their parents separations, he couldn't imagine how those kids live with that pain but "your kids are just so amazing!" I told him that from the start my wife and I decided that the kids came first and our differences had to be put aside. I told him that we still make decisions as a family and are very open with the kids, we don't bad mouth each other and we co-operate. He again said, "that is just amazing" he then went on to tell me what a wonderful kid my D12 was and how she cared about people....It touched me that he would say these things. We've never had a real conversation before and we yakked for about half an hour after that. Once again, sometimes the things you need come from the strangest places! Just thought I'd share that cuz those people are out there for all of us at times you least expect it!
Whatis has just returned from a Canada Day bbq at STBX's. She invited my parents and I for the evening. I dropped the kids over at her place around noon and she was expecting me to stay for the afternoon. I told her that I was really exhausted and needed to grab a nap at home but would come back at about 3:00pm. When I returned we sat in the backyard talking for over 1.5 hours together, it was really nice. She actually listened and inquired about things and people in my life. We actually talked like human beings are supposed to talk to each other. Later we did the bbq together and the cleanup, spent a nice evening with my parents and then called it a night. At the door she gave me some corn to bring home. I then put my arms around her and kissed her on the forehead, (she's short!). I have purposely not touched her in any way since we've separated but tonight I just acted on that urge probably because I felt we'd had such a nice time together. She seemed fine with it and continued talking with me as we walked to the door. Now just as I returned home the phone rang and it was one of my kids saying "mommy wants to bring over some chicken wings for you, can you meet us downstairs" Strange stuff here. Why is she being so nice to me lately? I actually feel like she gives a damn. But don't worry Dbers, I'm not thinking any weird thoughts like reconciliation. It's all just kind of weird. I guess with not being in each others face day in and day out makes it easier for her to show caring and drop some of the resentment she carried for years. I'll just take it and be thankful that we have something many separated couples don't. That's it for now. HAPPY CANADA DAY DB'ers!!!!!!
Sure doesn't feel like July, does it? But still a great day to remember what a great country we live in. I'm at the cottage. Thought of you and Tom when I passed Elwood Epps. Weird how I connect that place since the 2 of you mentioned it.
I don't want to get back with my ex. But I hate the hostility between us and how it affects our kids. I have to hand it to you - you did something right.
I don't understand her inviting you and your parents over but if you had a good time - then it was a good thing. I'm sure it has to be confusing. Does she have a S/O????? That is usually what makes the difference. When someone else is involved they don't want us around. Sucks but it's true.
Happy Canada Day, Wii! Thanks for visiting my thread.
Your STBX is acting really strange. Is she still involved with OW? Has she finally realised that the grass isn't always greener on the other side, and finally sees what a brilliant H you were?
Watch this space, I say, but I won't say the R word either. Shhhh!
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
Yes Being Me, STBX is still involved with OP, in fact, last weekend when I was out with the kids at a street festival we ran into the two of them. OP greeted me and then stood aside while I showed STBX the photos I had taken. I really do believe that the two of them are just two people who plugged into each others vulnerable spots and mistook that for love. But, that's their business not mine! Well, I'm off to the doctor now. I've been fighting this horrible virus for almost a month now. I'm taking a few days off work because this working through it is just exhausting me and I'm not getting better. I've been going to work for the past three weeks and I've missed one day. He did blood tests a week and a half ago, at my request, to check blood sugar etc and it showed nothing. So I guess it's just a matter of giving my body the rest it needs and putting work aside for a few days. We'll see what he says.
