OK for men with wives having an affair, has OM...

[PainX2]

By the Way, Fit!

I would like some of your input on figuring out my wife's behavior. follow me over to my thread if you have time.
I copied and emailed a few of your postings to her.

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1782993&page=1

[pauld2100]

Flight, Anyone
Important question about my SS and SD
Haven’t seen you, hope your good! I have a question. My SS has called me many times when my ex goes MIA sometimes till 4:00 am and countless days, I need to address this with her. I don't have a place that I can have him stay at with me... If I say anything to her about this she will think I am trying to "get home for me" I have tried to explain that I am not doing this for me but for them. Any advice as to how I can approach this for my SS? I am worried about him! I was thinking of letting her know that I am concerned about him and in the past she rails me and blows off the truth that is so clear! Anyone please advise…I don't want to threaten her but this is blatant disregard to him over and over....One reason I want to be home was because my SS has asked me to come home and that always made me try harder to be home and as I said she sees it as me getting her back….

This is important….

PD

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Paul,

A 13 year old is home alone at 4 in the morning, and you're worried about making your wife mad???

If my son (or step-son) called me at 4am, and was alone, I would be there at 4:15, never to leave again. Or, I would call the police and/or social services, and have her investigated for abandonment.

But that's just me.

Gawd, sometimes the gymnastics everyone goes thru around here to NOT piss off their wayward spouses just KILLS me. "DO THE RIGHT THING, IN EVERY SITUATION" should be your guide!!! And this one's not even difficult, is it?

Puppy

[pauld2100]

I have though about that! I may send her a message and give her chance to GROW UP! But she will see it as a threat! I have to do this carefully and I will stand up for them....! I am so not in a good finacial postion but will do what I can... DO THE RIGHT THING! HAS ALWAYS BEEN MY GAME! She won't have that! catch 22 for me...

[Puppy Dog Tails]

What does your financial position have to do with it?

I wouldn't recommend "sending a message" in any way OTHER than by your ACTIONS. Either do it the next time it happens, as I wrote above and without warning, or, go see her in person, look her in the eye and calmly say "If you ever leave our stepson home alone again at 4 in the morning, I will call protective services on you and have you investigated for abandonment."

Anything else will be seen as weakness.

[pauld2100]

I already did send one! I am fed up.... I will find a way!

[PainX2]

I usually have a difficult time with being so hard core with my wayward spouse because I see her as ill, but Mr. Tails is on the mark with this.

YOU NEVER EVER MESS WITH THE KIDS!!!! THEY COME FIRST IN EVERY SITUATION!!

Plus, kids that are messed with end up being crazy spouses for someone else to deal with in the future.

[pauld2100]

I promise you I am not doing this to them! I have to watch her use them and allow them to control her as well.... It's so messed up! I have always suggested to my W that we don't talk in front of them but she insists to dissregaurd this and do it anyway.... I sent her an e-mail and stood my ground for him, she came back with thats ok but didn't want me at the house when she was there SO I told her I don't want to see her! and I have moved on! I have not done anything like that yet! She didn't respond to that e-mail.... I am not going to be mean but I may have to do more for the kids and that will seem like I am a jerk but OH well I told her do what ever you want to yourself... Just wish I had more resources....

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Paul,

Tell SS and SD that if they are ever home alone again past _____ (and fill in a reasonable, age-appropriate time here -- midnight? 1am?) -- that they can ALWAYS call you if they want to, and you will "either talk to them or come over."

Then, when they do contact you, GO OVER THERE and stay the night. When your wife asks you why you're there, tell her "Because SS was scared, and it's inappropriate for him to be home alone until _____"(fill in whatever time she finally traipses in). And if it ever happens again, not only will I come over again, but I will call protective services so fast your wayward little head will spin, and if you think I'm bluffing, you underestimate me -- again."

You don't "suggest" and you don't "send e-mails" when it comes to the security of the children. You DO.

Good lord, man, this is a no-brainer. The only "resources" this requires is BALLZ.

Puppy

[pauld2100]

Your right about that underestimates me TOTALY! And yes I have told them that they can call me anytime but she has been telling them to not talk to me about certain things they of course think and or thought that meant not at all so he has went around her to talk to me… She also does not see her going out till 4:00 am to be with OM as a problem! I have not come down on her just standing firm on this!
In also trying to keep things respectful as to Mom’s rules I always and will do my best to keep that…. Unfortunately that can also be very hard when she will only communicate a little and things will get confusing for them…. I will contact social services if she does it again I know she may feel threatened by this but I will have to put to the right way and will, She does not know that I know she was out doing this..!!!! I have balls just haven’t been using them…...

She also thinks because they are 12 and 16 they can be on there own!