I'm not sure why you thought she would? She's not going to admit what she did unless she is up against the wall big time.
I just think she is in a no win position. Most of her family/friends are buying her cover story and giving her the "There is no way H will get custody" advice/support... how funny it will be for her if she loses custody.
Her attorney came on strong at first as if they were gearing up for war so I'd better surrender... then they left scurrying from the first hearing with nothing they expected.
Once they saw I was geared up for war and they had forgotten their ammunition they have been in the fetal position ever since.
I sort of expected she'd at least fight... or they would at least try something. Even my attorney is baffled and wondering if maybe they have some secret weapon which is why they aren't offering settlement... I'm just figuring it is because W can't participate due to her BPD and she can't compromise due to her BPD so she is vacillating between the no-win positions and figuring it better to do what is enjoyable... spend time with OM.
This is extremely one-sided... a Defendant with all the ammunition to demolish the Plaintiff. I wasn't completely positive she had BPD when I requested the psychological evaluation - but her behavior since then has been textbook and I'm fully convinced regardless of whether she receives a diagnosis or not.
This is virtually unheard of... a father in my position in this state would lose in a sole custody bid 99% of the time. Yet it seems like I will prevail primarily due to evidence she has produced and her behavior during the process.
Here is hoping...
------------------------------------------
D1 was doing well this morning. She got me to pick her up and I went to wipe her nose with a kleenex and she pulled away and ran her nose across my shirt... ha ha. She started babbling and patted me on the chest and said "Da Da" and grinned at me. I had a couple of false starts trying to leave, but eventually she got interested in some of the other children and I was able to go.
"You can't reason someone out of a position they didn't reason themselves into."
Last night I went to see the Hangover... I've never been that messed up and the movie was pretty hilarious.
Pickup of D1 went fine this morning. W only which was odd... she didn't really say anything other than letting me know D1 had drank a lot and might have a wet diaper soon. She didn't seem overly friendly, and didn't make a big fuss over telling D1 goodbye.
D1 and I went to the mall, browsed around, ate, and talked with a few of the game store employees. One girl who works there sees us every Saturday and seems to look forward to it as part of her routine, always a "See you next Saturday!" when I leave.
It was raining so I drove around for a bit, D1 snoozed in the back. Ended up going to Wally World and bought some groceries, D1 wanted to play with everything I put in the buggy.
Afterward headed home, she ate cookies, and W/MIL drove up around 3:50pm. They acted nervous/hesitant but otherwise snooty and entitled. I just don't understand sometimes...
"You can't reason someone out of a position they didn't reason themselves into."
I wanted to see that movie. It looks really funny. I love going to the movies. Its great to just go and be entertained for a few hours. You dont have to think, just laugh, perfect for a DB'er!
I guess I gave the wrong finger to the wrong man...
This week has 3 of the replacement deposition dates. Then next Monday. Thus far I haven't heard anything from my L about W's attorney scheduling anything.
I know I called it early on in May... but to see her actually following the BPD textbook and not showing up for anything just confirms what I've thought all along.
Borrowing the following from "The ABCs of BPD":
Originally Posted By: Ceasing To Exist
For borderlines, admitting that anything about them is less than perfect - let alone acknowledging that they may have a personality disorder - can send them into a spiral of shame and self doubt.
Imagine feeling empty, virtually without a self. Now think about admitting that what little self you can recognize has something wrong with it. To many BPs, this is like ceasing to exist - a terrifying feeling for anyone.
To avoid this, borderlines employ a powerful and common defense mechanism: denial. They may maintain that nothing is wrong with them, despite clear evidence to the contrary. They would rather lose things very important to them - jobs, friends, and family - than lose themselves.
Basically I believe she is so afraid of the psych eval that she is denying any of this, divorce, etc. is even occurring right now. She hasn't acknowledged it, just continues along as if nothing is wrong. Acting as if she is divorced already and that our current "temporary" schedule is the way things will be forever.
I imagine she'll be as surprised as anyone if she loses custody, despite the fact she has done nothing to help herself retain it.
"You can't reason someone out of a position they didn't reason themselves into."
D1 was a bit whiny this morning. I poked my head in the door and she saw me and came running towards me. Since she was only wearing one shoe though she took a tumble and started crying.
I picked her up and held her for about 15-20 minutes, she just put her head on my shoulder and wanted me to hold her. I wasn't able to leave until they brought out donuts for the kids.
I picked up the Sims 3 to keep me occupied... Sim-DCBHM got his shower stolen by a thief and caught his kitchen on fire making waffles... I'm apparently not that intelligent as a Sim.
Nothing new on the D front... just watching W's case as EPIC FAIL becoming apparent. I guess her L is doing the best she can do with a client who is quite possibly (likely) BPD. She probably should let me be the plaintiff next time because she is doing it wrong...
I am hopeful that she will get some help once she hits rock bottom... but I came to the realization a long time ago that I cannot be responsible for what does and does not happen to her.
My priority and goal is D1. If/when I receive custody I will then have the luxury of determining how best to approach W communication-wise. The distortion campaign she tried running unfortunately has made our communication during the D very limited.
"You can't reason someone out of a position they didn't reason themselves into."
It won't be funny if she loses custody- it will be heartbreaking for DD. Even though she is BPD and not a good mother right now- it's sad. I say that because even though you'll be a good dad- there is just something about mom- and you never get over wanting momma to love you like she should. I'm 41 and I've never gotten over it.
Speaking as the daughter of someone who was borderline I doubt very much she is scared of the evaluation- because remember- they don't believe anything is wrong with them- it's everyone else.
She's probably indignant that she would have to be subjected to them. And she probably feels like she won't have to be.
Example- I'm a Christian- my mother pretended that she was. I believe everyone goes through judgment in Heaven. Even if they are saved. My mother was ill and dying from emphysema. She told me "When I die I won't have to go through judgment like everyone else because I have suffered enough on earth" And she really believed that kind of crap. She was above- she was superior. It's more likely that than your WW being scared of the evaluation.
I got my mother to admit once, only once, that she "might" need some help- but she never got it.
1. None of those new dates are good for deposition. She did give us other dates that were. We went ahead and filed to get W deposed on one of those dates. June 30. Won't happen.
2. The trial date of July 13 is 'impossible' for her to be ready for. She asked my attorney to file a joint motion for continuance. I instructed him not to. She can hang herself in front of the judge. She said she has a "vacation" planned. So I guess I should put my life on hold while she does that.
3. W is now wanting mediation! I told them to "get bent" although a little more diplomatically. Mediation would just weaken my position at this point. What am I going to negotiate? That she's 50% crazy instead of 100%?
4. None of those objective unbiased psychologists we recommended were apparently objective or unbiased enough so she wanted us to use a psychologist who specializes in a completely different field and who doesn't deal with BPD individuals. So... no thanks. Asked for a reason why the others weren't acceptable. Took her 30+ days to realize she didn't like the others and find one name. I cold-called a dozen and pulled 3 names in less than an hour when I chose those three.
5. Random threats about taking action for a restraining order for slander from when I sent out the mass email exposing her affair. Note to lawyer: in print it is libel, not slander. And the "truth" is an affirmative defense for a charge of libel.
FAIL
So anyway... I'm hoping things continue working out. Seems like a weak gasp from her side... otherwise no action from them.
"You can't reason someone out of a position they didn't reason themselves into."
D1 was doing well this morning. She wanted to be held primarily, and she and several of the other children got a kick out of me rolling toy cars across the room.
I've been thinking about their offer of "mediation." I didn't point out that I believed W suffered from a case of the sniffles in my prior affidavit. I pointed out that I believe she suffers from a serious mental illness. It is premature to say the least that mediation is either preferable or beneficial to a successful resolution of this case. If she goes through the evaluation, passes with flying colors, etc. then sure we can then discuss mediation.
At this point there is no way in hell. I've come too far to sit down just because they realize they shouldn't have entered into this with me.
"You can't reason someone out of a position they didn't reason themselves into."
