Now..my wife did see the OM in CA and she told me that she had lied about not seeing him. I am trying to understand that she needs to figure out her feelings, and she felt awful for not telling me and was afraid to for lack of fear that I would kick her out. From everything I have read she is in a MLC and fantasy world. She has told me that she is very cautious of her feelings and that he heart is far removed from our R. She has admired me for all the positive changed, but it is not affecting her heart.
And it's not GOING to affect her heart so long as she is having sex with another man. Her brain is all hopped up on "love chemicals" right now, and as long as she is doing this -- and LYING to you about it -- she's not going to be receptive to your changes. Now, you can (and should) do them ANYWAY, so long as each item on your list is "the right thing to do" and you're NOT doing it to make her notice, but just don't expect her to be open to you emotionally while she's having an affair.
But so long as she "feels awful" about it, I guess it's OK.
