may I suggest you compliment her sincerely and without an agenda? I mean that's manipulative isn't it? Besides if you are doing it b/c you have desires or goals...
Just be sincere and leave the results up to the big guy. I DO think being specific makes sense. OTherwise its cheap if you know what I mean. Say that you love her long eyelashes (if they're long) or her rear end, etc if you do, and that way she knows it's real for you. Anyone can say "you're pretty" and it is just too generic.
Just read that book (Blue Like Jazz" and was humbled by it and recommend it to all who want to know that their faith is going to be used rightly and not as a weapon...) and STuck, I really hear you about the timeline...
I never thought 2 (or 3) years ago that I'd be here today. I really gave us a 10% chance of reconciling...and I recall saying that at least once out loud to a friend. Do what you can and that's all you can do. I disagree in one thing. Don't say so much that you'll "be here til it's busted" but maybe rather, "til it's resolved". Can't focus on only one outcome so much (like telling God what your "to do" list is for Him) b/c you know if God does not have the restoration of your m in mind OR if your wife's free will chooses otherwise, then He has something else around the corner for you that'll be fine. You will be alright no matter what. I mean that Stuck and nope, I don't say that to everyone...(and what about a change of name? I know it'll confuse-I should change mine too...maybe add like StuckNoMore....hmm, pondering...)
. YES it would have been harder to have h here all the time. Generally MUCH harder. THere are problems NOW that he's back vis a vis the kids (d20 really) b/c he missed so much of her last years at home (she's home for the summer though) and their R is damaged due to his absence. So he has repair work and just b/c he and I are reconciled does not mean it's all hunky dory for him and them...takes time. I missed him in bed for obvious reasons and that's when it'd hit me a lot. And I missed him at social "family" events too. But you know they have their own sufferings we won't hear about b/c they inflicted them on themselves and won't share for a long time. There is shame there. But I do see efforts on my h's end with the kids. And impatience!! so I'm working with my DB coach on being supportive of their R's without taking responsibility for them. A balancing act for sure.
But for ME, yes there were also advantages to his being gone, except every time a scary noise happened downstairs (got an alarm system that was damn well worth it!!) or some machine would break & I'd get mad at him. Now I fix them myself or pay someone else, and that's as it should be really. Mostly. (Except for spiders which I really do think is a man's job to kill, and if you want to call me sexist,---or a spider murderer-- I PLEAD GUILTY!! sheesh!!)
talk to you soon, but am resting from K's thread for awhile...
"Here Stk, I'm transferring him to you" b/c my boss in the Army said "a problem transferred, is a problem solved..." just worn out from that thread and don't know if I'm helping or enabling...
(( j- ))
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
