John, As much as it may seem to be the exact opposite of what you should do now is the time that you need to try to be detached from your wife...remember, she has detached from you. You can do nothing right in her opinion...that is why she left. If you help her she will think she is entilted and you are weak...if you do not she will think you are an *** and that is why she left. If the OM helps he is the knight. The best thing you can do is to do nothing...if she asks for help you have to decide if she really "needs" it or she "wants" it to control you...and your daughter.
I think her symptons are caused by self-induced stress...she knows she is making the most serious mistake of her life...for a woman in her position she could not have made a worse series of poor mistakes...SNCO, multiple affairs with at least one officer (wonder what the ranks of the others were?...are you having money issues and she is worried about money with you both so close to retirement?)..., the affairs while spouse is deployed (very bad for a SNCO), moved out and left daughter, missed opportunities to spend time with daughter, lied to daughter, changed story to say that there was no A when worried about getting in trouble with chain of command, etc...remember, she caused everything that to happen.
As always...what do you want? If you did not have a daughter I would have to recommend a divorce now...your daughter changes things forever and I mean forever. Your W is npt thinking long term...highschool, college, marriage, grandkids, career's after AF, great grandkids, paying off your house, so many options, so many that it is sad to think of what is lost.
I hope you had a GREAT time this week at Disney...sounds like this is YOUR first break after Iraq...do not let this take away from what you did while in Iraq...you are one of our American Hero's...not some sports figure, politician, etc...YOU.
Do not get caught into the trap of thinking your W will rush home if you take care of her now and everything is forgiven and forgotten...she needs to know that she has no one because of her affairs...no one.
What do you want to happen? Think about it...can you live with what she has done. It is not unusual for the LBS to be ticked off later and file for divorce...the longer you allow this to continue the less you are to "win" at court...not trying to tell you one way or the other what to do....just prepare yourself for any option...it is best that you accept that the marriage is over but you would consider to try if certain conditions were met.
The best thing you can do right now is nothing...do not be rude just be "busy", not available, no money to loan, no time to help, etc...
Be busy working on school, volunteer at work, etc...
