H called today. Small talk, wanted to know if kids had a good time yesterday ...absolutely, more small talk. I say I've got to run. H says he may want to come by later as he's gotten used to seeing the kids everyday.
I'm stumbling..."Ok, just give me a call ahead of time." He tells me of course he will call first.
Now, Lucky comes to mind and I'm thinking "f*ck this, you leave, you don't get to see your kids every day." Then I'm thinking of AJ "well, we're around, he wants to see the boys, maybe he wants to see me, another opportunity."
So, I don't know if I'm doing the limbo, paint a new picture DB or the boundary setting, get a taste of reality DB...as for what works for ME, I'm too split on it to know which path feels optimal and serves my long run goals.
Anyone?
This one doesn't feel like spinning, it feels like an important decision needs to be made.
AK...I am still catching up on your thread, but for some reason this stuck out at me... what if you thought of it as the DB technique of accepting SOME but not ALL of his invitations. It could be treated like that, without verbalizing a boundary...like "oh, I would let you come by but we will be out...I will call you if we get back in enough time for you to come by".
You could have alreadythought of this or figured it out but I wanted to comment b4 I forgot.
Well, I don't really want to have to always be out. I like chillin' with my kids and I think it is good for them. I will of course make plans with them but I'm not going for the Disneyland Mom thing just to be unavailable. Plus, he would just ask to come along if he really wanted to see them...
I need to get to the point of having some boundaries and accepting that he may not like it.
