Wish I could read her mind (9) >>>>

[steady]

Bill thanks for that post. I know you wrote it for Tim, but without you knowing, you wrote it for me too.

My W also had the fantasy best friends scenario when she told me she wanted a divorce...well, needless to say nothing has gone according to her 'fantasy' plan. I didn't just roll over and give her what she wanted and now am fighting for equal custody of my children.

As you said, she must deal with the repercussions of her choices and actions. And trust me, she is not yet even fully aware of just what those repercussions are.

I told my ex one day, just prior to the divorce but after it was clear that there would be no reconciliation and that she was pursuing her soul mate....

"One day you will see or think of me and realize that you made a horrible mistake when you chose to leave."

I have said these very same sentences to myself hundreds of times already. The WAS's seem to have a fairy tale idea of how everything is going to be - but they're in for a big surprise when reality comes a knockin.

It's like you said earlier Tim, as she absorbs the reality of what is going on it is having an effect on her. It will continue to do that as the yarn continues to unravel.

If she continues an exit (which no one knows for sure what will happen) the day will come when she will look back and ask herself what was so bad that she had to leave. The regret will be there. I think at one time or another it eventually shows up - especially for us LBS's who have made tremendous changes and have actually become the husband/person/father we and they wanted. My therapist had said that to me a few months ago - the negative memories start to fade and their focus on what 'we' did wrong moves into the background.

I find people just switch to different people, different issues, but still problems and things to deal with. When people don't change themselves they repeat the same cycle over and over until they 'get' it and start looking inward for their problems. That's exactly what we have done. Our cycles are broken, theirs will continue on. Continue to improve yourself and you won't get stuck in another cycle.

Bill is spot on. Keep transferring your focus onto you, keep your dignity and your self respect. It's hard at times, but it's the only way.

Please let us know how you're doing Tim.