Dear Sandi (et al) Ok, I have now cleared some mind space to sit down and write about the last few days which have been very very difficult for me personally but, I suspect, beneficial in terms of moving things along my end.
I finally addressed the issue of our D's distress and emailed my H re possibly making a time for her to see a specialist counselor. I also told him about the piece of writing that she had done in her English journal and subsequently gave him a copy for his records. We met last Friday and had a chat for about an hour in the local hotel; it was calm and non-confrontational. We mainly spoke about our daughter and what needs to be done. My H also said a few things about our M: *He left because he believed that it was "toxic" and that it was in everyone's best interests that he pulled the plug (interesting that he felt so confident that he knew what was best for us ALL) *He has a huge amount of resentment and anger towards me still but he really wants to get over it and through it to the next phase of all of our lives.
Last Tuesday was a lot more of an angry discourse. this was the first eve that we addressed our D's distress in this splitting of the marriage and he wanted to leave the house to go back to work at OW's house in prep for a conference meeting that he was chairing the following day. I accepted it on one level but spoke out that it would be great if he would perhaps take 20 mins just to have a prelim chat about things; considering she is our D. He became angry accusing me of blackmailing him into staying. Then he proceeded to embark on a twenty minute tirade about a man who is a good friend of mine, I met him 5-6 years ago in London. we became emotionally close but nothing sexual ever happened. I met him at a time where I was feeling low and particularly unloved i my marriage. But I was always and have always been faithful to my husband. I told my H about this man and at the time he was very calm and told me that he loved me and wanted the marriage but that I would need to make a choice. In my mind there was no choice, I wanted my husband. It is only now that the true anger and hurt is coming out. My H ranted about this particular man, accusing me of not only being in love with him but that i did indeed have sex with him (a total lie.)He also brought up small incidences and comments that were made over 4 years ago, with teh clarity as if it were yesterday. He then proceeded to question whether this man really ever existed (another move at painting em out to be delusional).
We had a long chat yesterday, around 2 hours. He is brutal about the R, saying that in terms of us we are DONE, that the marriage is dead and has been for a while, that it is TOO LATE and that he doesn't love me anymore. He also proceeded to tell me that I have the POTENTIAL of being a wonderful person but that I am completely narcissistic, self-centred and highly manipulative towards my family and friends. I have NEVER been in the position where I have felt so invalidated, especially by someone who i have loved and who I married. He also said that he never really wanted to get married. I said to him that in my opinion marriage is a COMMITMENT, for better or for worse, at which point he then scoffed. "Standing for your marriage? are you trying to tell me that you will not be having another relationship in your life?" i told him that I felt this was a private matter and that it was not his business at the present time. I said that I believed that God will reveal the truth. He laughed at me; "the only people that feel that way about marriage are heavily committed Catholics who are theologians. Well, if you want to do that fine, its completely your life but i will not be a part of it'
Rejection, rejection etc
He also said that I have profoundly wounded him. He says that he is going through the biggest crisis of his life. he doesn't know what is going to happen with OW (mmmmm dont trust him here.....)
He seems so clear.....about me. Does not want to be a part of this any more.
Is it MLC? I still think so but.....
I have prayed to God for his guidance. I was in our local pub when I looked up at a football team photo and underneath were the words "with bravery and faith anything is possible"
Is this a sign for me to keep faith?
Sometimes I am just unclear about which way to go. My pain has been great these last few days; feeling the loss of my M, my H, feeling the pain of the OW and his obvious connection to her.Feeling his complete rejection of our marriage.
Not sure whether I am moving forwards, backwards or staying still?
